Troubleshooting the Nostalgia of a January 11th Beanie Baby Toy
It was 10:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I was deep into a terminal window trying to figure out why our staging environment kept throwing 502 gateway errors. My 11-month-old son, Leo, was finally asleep after what I can only...
Hudson Baby Bourbon: The Nursery Mixup and Parenting Nightcaps
Listen. Don't show up to my cousin's baby shower in Naperville with a bottle of 92-proof craft whiskey just because you typed the registry name into your phone too fast. I've seen a thousand wild things during my shifts on...
Real Paint Adventures vs That Homestuck MSPFA Internet Trap
I was up to my elbows in plain Greek yogurt and beet juice, desperately trying to whisk together a Pinterest-perfect non-toxic finger paint, when my oldestβlet's just call him Baby M for this story, though he's five now and a...
The absolute terror of serving meat baby food to a six-month-old
There I was, standing in our kitchen at half past seven in the morning, staring at a cardboard tube of organic baby rice that looked and smelled exactly like the Polyfilla I used to patch the hallway skirting board last...
Troubleshooting Baby Lip Ties: Why We Decided to Skip the Laser
At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday during month two, I was sitting in the dark glow of my dual monitors, logging our daughter's nursing "click" frequency into a Google Sheet. Click. Swallow. Click. Cry. Maya was in the bedroom, crying...
Dear Past Me: That TikTok issa_hay_baby_ Account Isn't Real
Itβs exactly 3:14 AM right now in your timeline, and you're sitting on the edge of the glider while the baby does that weird pterodactyl screech that means his sleep cycle is resetting. Your face is bathed in the cold...
Why Teens Are Obsessed With The Snow Leopard Baby Webtoons
The absolute worst thing you can do when you catch your teenage niece crying into an iPad while she's supposed to be watching your toddler is to snatch the device away. I know this because it was my first instinct...
The Night "Sugar Baby Production" Ruined My Search History
It's exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the glowing blue square of the baby monitor is showing me the night-vision outline of my eleven-month-old son doing something that looks suspiciously like a plank. He has been teething for what...
Troubleshooting The September 19 Birthday Twin Plushie Trend
I'll tell you exactly what not to do when you finally receive that crinkly, retro-smelling package from a vintage seller on the internet: don't immediately hand the twenty-six-year-old plush toy to your teething eleven-month-old. I made this exact logic error...