The Great Baby Pesto Disaster (And How To Actually Do It Right)
It was 6:42 PM on a Tuesday, and my kitchen looked like a lawnmower had exploded indoors. My wife was holding a wet washcloth, staring at me with that highly specific look she gets when I've confidently executed a task...
My Bamby Baby Store Wake-Up Call: Why I Stopped Hacking Gear
I was wedged upside down in the backseat of my Subaru Outback, rain streaking the windows, sweating through a t-shirt in forty-degree Portland weather. My phone was propped precariously on the center console, playing a grainy YouTube tutorial at 1.5x...
Why buying a baby comb for a completely bald infant makes sense
Before the twins arrived, my mother-in-law handed me a beautifully wrapped, eco-friendly grooming kit containing a wildly soft bristle brush and a tiny wooden toothed implement. I looked at the ultrasound pictures stuck to my fridgeβtwo indistinct blurry blobs that...
Why I Stopped Laughing at Baby Cashmere (And Nineteen Tiny Goats)
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm standing over the bathroom sink with a bottle of pH-neutral baby shampoo, gently massaging a piece of knitwear the size of a side plate while Florence screams from the nursery as if she's...
Dear Past Marcus: Debugging The Extraterrestrial Baby Phase
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're staring at the night vision feed on the Nanit monitor like it's a security camera at a haunted house. His eyes are open. They're glowing an iridescent, terrifying white because of the...
The Truth About Giving Your Baby Pickles for the Very First Time
It was August 2017, and we were in my brother-in-lawβs backyard for a family barbecue. I was standing there, sweating through a stained maternity tank top that I absolutely should have retired three months prior, balancing a seven-month-old Leo on...
Building Your First Baby Layette: A Tech Dad's Hardware Guide
At 37 weeks into my wife's pregnancy, I proudly stood in our nursery looking at my haul. I had acquired exactly fourteen pairs of newborn sneakers, three miniature denim jackets, a tiny tuxedo, and zero functional sleepwear. I approached our...
The Utter Absurdity of Buying a Baby Golf Outfit for Toddlers
Iβm currently watching my two-year-old daughter, Florence, attempt to swallow a brightly coloured plastic golf tee while her twin sister, Matilda, aggressively reverse-crawls her way out of a sand bunker. Weβre at a rather stiff, overly manicured Surrey golf club...
The accidental gymnast and the gravity problem with your two-month-old
We need to talk about the biggest lie circulating in your local mom group. You know the one. You're sitting on someone's beige rug, sipping lukewarm coffee, and another mother casually drops that her eight-week-old is already rolling over. She...