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What I wish I knew about getting free baby gear without the scams
Listen. You're currently sitting on the floor of our Chicago apartment, eight months pregnant, staring blankly at a cardboard box. It's a Tuesday. You're crying because the internet promised you a mountain of complimentary infant supplies, and all you've to...
Surviving the Absolute Avalanche of Useless Newborn Baby Stuff
At 34 weeks pregnant, my wife and I entered a fugue state in a suburban retail park and bought a machine specifically designed to heat baby wipes to exactly 37 degrees Celsius. I remember standing at the till, handing over...
Chasing the Pottery Barn Baby Dream Without Losing Your Mind
When I was seven months pregnant with Maya, I was a walking target for unsolicited opinions. I remember my mother-in-law cornering me at my own shower, wearing this aggressively floral blouse, and insisting I needed to buy a massive, heavily...
The Truth About Baby Shower Decorations (And That Balloon Arch)
I was thirty-two weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting flat on my kitchen floor, and ugly-crying into a pile of deflated sage green balloons. My husband had just walked in from work, taken one look at me holding a dual-action...
Hacking The System: Why A Walmart Baby Registry Actually Makes Sense
Sitting at my kitchen island at 11 PM, my wife Sarah and I were staring at a beautifully curated, ultra-minimalist single gift list on a boutique website. The screen was filled with $140 organic linen wipe warmers and hand-carved Swedish...
Lil baby net worth: What a rapper taught me about raising twins
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago It's currently 2:14 in the morning, and if my memory of six months ago is correct, you're currently pinned beneath a sweating, thrashing two-year-old girl while her identical sister sleeps horizontally across the...
A Letter to Myself About That Mountain of Carter's Baby Clothes
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the freezing concrete of the garage floor at 11 PM, six months pregnant, staring at three giant Rubbermaid tubs labeled "0-3 Months" and crying over a faded, mustard-stained onesie. I...
The 3 AM pregnancy panic and why I downloaded the baby billy app
It's 3:14 AM. I'm thirty-three weeks pregnant, sweating through my supposedly breathable sheets, and my kid hasn't moved in forty-two minutes. My husband is snoring next to me, completely oblivious to the fact that I'm spiraling into a web of...
The Truth About Baby's Breath Flowers at Your Shower
I was standing in the middle of my living room at seven in the morning, eight months pregnant with my oldest, aggressively sniffing my own sofa cushions. My mom was in the kitchen cutting crusts off pimento cheese sandwiches for...