The 2026 Chinese Gender Calendar: A 50/50 Coin Toss
I was wearing Daveβs stained college sweatpants, sitting cross-legged on the cold bathroom tile, holding a dripping pregnancy test in one hand and frantically trying to do lunar math on my phone calculator with the other. My coffee was sitting...
Searching for Baby Shower Venues Near Me Without Going Broke
I was exactly twenty-nine weeks pregnant with my oldest, sweating entirely through a polyester maternity dress in the lobby of a local country club that smelled heavily of floor wax and old money. The event coordinator, bless her heart, was...
Writing Baby Shower Thank You Cards Without Losing Your Mind
I was exactly thirty-six weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting dead center on the faux-wood floor of our tiny rental duplex, surrounded by seventy-five pastel blue envelopes. I was absolutely sobbing. My lower back felt like it was splitting in...
Dear Past Marcus: Debugging the Baby Shower Meatballs Crisis
I've got a digital meat thermometer plunged into the geometric center of a frozen sphere of ground turkey, and the reading is hopelessly stuck at 138Β°F. It's 11:30 PM on a Friday. The kitchen smells like a confusing collision of...
The Honest Truth About Baby Shower Invites (And Surviving Them)
I was sitting at my kitchen island in July of 2017, my ankles swollen to the exact size and texture of grapefruits, wearing a maternity tank top that had a crusty mustard stain on the hem, crying over cardstock. Literally...
The End of Humiliating Baby Shower Games (And What to Do Instead)
Five years ago, I stood in a drafty village hall in Surrey, holding a plastic cup of warm sparkling wine, watching my sister-in-law unwrap a massive ball of clingfilm while wearing a blindfold. Someone shoved a disposable nappy under my...
How to Write a Baby Shower Card Without Sounding Delusional
I'm standing in the card aisle of the local Tesco, holding a pastel-yellow envelope and aggressively crossing out a pre-printed poem about 'tiny toes and heavenly woes' with a biro. The cashier is staring at me. I don't care. I'm...
Surviving a Massive Baby Show Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I'm standing in aisle 400 of the convention center, seven months pregnant with Maya, sweating through a maternity shirt that was absolutely not designed for indoor arena temperatures, while my husband Dave is holding three different neon tote bags filled...
Writing baby shower wishes that will not make parents roll their eyes
I'm sitting cross-legged on my faded Chicago apartment rug right now. My toddler is methodically dismantling a cardboard box in the corner, looking for a stale Cheerio I know he dropped three days ago. I'm holding a stack of heavy...