Magazine
Why Cheap Theme Park Outfits Crashed My Baby's Operating System
I'm currently standing completely motionless outside the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, holding an eleven-month-old who's vibrating with pure, unadulterated rage. The humidity is sitting at what feels like two hundred percent, my shirt is glued to my spine, and...
How the Dijon baby album perfectly captures new parent chaos
"Sleep when the baby sleeps," my mom told me over a plate of lukewarm brisket right after my oldest was born, waving her fork around like she'd just delivered the secret to eternal life. Meanwhile, the lactation consultant at the...
The Diddy Baby Oil Meme: A Warning Letter To My Past Parenting Self
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold hexagonal tiles of the downstairs bathroom, wearing that baggy gray college hoodie with the mysterious bleach stain near the pocket. Your cold brew is sitting precariously on...
Did Derek Hough Lose a Baby? The Truth About Pregnancy Loss
When we were going through our own jagged little version of hell before the twins arrived, my mum's neighbour leaned over the garden fence to tell me that "the universe only gives you what you can handle." The very next...
The Truth About That Devil May Cry Baby Search You Did Last Night
Dear Jess from six months ago, I see you. You're standing at the kitchen island, up to your elbows in mashed sweet potatoes, trying to finish two custom embroidery orders for the Etsy shop before the post office in town...
So Your Sweet Kid Brought Home A Horrific Joke From Preschool
"Wash his mouth out with Dial soap," my mom texted back immediately after I panic-messaged her from the kitchen floor. My grandma, bless her heart, told me on the phone to just pretend I went completely deaf and ignore it...
The Great Healthy Baby Myth: Surviving Your First Two Years
I'm currently staring at a beige, violently stained sleepsuit that was, until approximately four minutes ago, perfectly pristine and white. It's 6:15 AM on a Tuesday, and one of the twinsβletβs call her the Loud One, though honestly they alternate...
That Time My Winter Layering Mistake Caused a Heat Rash on Baby
It was 3 AM in mid-January, pitch black outside, and the wind was howling against our drafty Texas farmhouse windows. I unzipped my youngest sonβs fleece footie pajamasβthe absurdly thick ones shaped like a brown bear with little ears on...
The Heaviest Baby Ever Born: Ultrasound Lies And My Giant Kid
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant with Leo, sitting on crinkly white paper in a freezing cold exam room, wearing a pair of gray maternity leggings that I had definitely spilled iced coffee on earlier that morning. My ultrasound tech, a...