Magazine
Notes to myself six months ago on surviving the baby M phase
It's 3:14 in the morning and you're staring at the glow of the humidifier like it holds the answers to the universe. Outside, the Chicago wind is rattling the bedroom window, but inside, all you can hear is the frantic,...
Tina Fey Lied to Me: Why Hollywood Baby Tropes Belong in the Bin
It's 3:14 AM. I'm wedged into the corner of our IKEA sofa in an unnatural, spine-twisting posture because moving even a fraction of an inch will wake Twin A, who's currently drooling a warm puddle onto my collarbone. On my...
When A Therapy App And A Literal Baby Manatee Saved My Sanity
It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my kitchen wearing my husband's ancient Boston College hoodie. The one that has a crusty, mysterious stain on the left cuff that could be hummus, could be dried...
The Truth About Creating a Baby Map: Inside the Womb and Out
Listen, thirty-four weeks pregnant, I was sitting on my Chicago apartment's bathroom tiles at two in the morning with a purple washable marker, poking my own abdomen. The snow was coming down hard outside, and my late-night search history was...
What To Do When Your Toddler Finds A Wild Mouse Nest At Home
I was waist-deep in a pile of winter clothes in the garage, trying to find a matching pair of mittens that probably haven't existed since 2021, when my oldest, Jackson, tapped me on the shoulder. He was holding what looked...
Spotting A Baby Mole: When To Panic And When To Just Chill Out
My mother-in-law was leaning so far over the changing table I thought she was going to fall straight into the Diaper Genie. We were visiting for Sunday dinner, and I was just trying to get my oldest sonβwho's basically my...
The 3AM Headlamp Operation: Surviving The Infant Nail Care Phase
I'm hovering over Maya's cot like a deeply unqualified jewel thief. It's 3:14 AM. I'm wearing a 400-lumen camping headlamp, holding my breath so hard my vision is blurring, and my hands are hovering over a sleeping toddler with a...
The Complete Nightmare of Choosing a Baby Girl Name
I was thirty-four hours post-C-section, wearing those horrific mesh hospital underwear and a nursing bra that smelled entirely like sour milk and desperation, just staring at this blank government form. The birth certificate lady was hovering by the door holding...
Surviving a Baby With No Money Left (Especially When It's Twins)
I was sitting in the driverβs seat of a 2011 Vauxhall Astra in the car park of St Thomasβ Hospital, staring at the NatWest app on my cracked phone screen. My wife was in the passenger seat, clutching a strip...