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The Chili's Parking Lot Blowout: A Real Guide to Baby T-Shirts
I was sitting in the driver's seat of my Honda CR-V in a Chili's parking lot, staring at my four-month-old firstborn, Carter, and seriously contemplating just leaving my favorite diaper bag in the car and walking home. It was 98...
Leggings 100 Baumwolle: The Truth About Pure Cotton Pants
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the guest bathroom tub, aggressively slathering Aquaphor onto a raging red rash behind your toddler's knees. You're exhausted. You're wondering if he ate a bad strawberry or...
Babyhose Mit Breitem Bund: Why Tiny Jeans Are A Terrible Idea
I'm staring at a pair of baby jeans. They have real copper rivets. A functional metal zipper. And a waistband that looks like it was designed for a heavily corseted Victorian doll, not a three-month-old who drinks liquid fat every...
The Baby Body Schwarz: Why I Dress My Kids in Black Onesies
When I brought home my first dark onesie, my grandma practically clutched her pearls and warned me that putting an infant in black was inviting bad luck, my sister-in-law swore I needed soft pastels to stimulate his developing brain, and...
The Truth About the Cult Baby Body Wolle Seide Obsession
I was standing in the hospital parking lot in late October with a three-day-old Leo, clutching a lukewarm Americano in one hand and staring at his car seat in a total panic. It was windy, and I was wearing those...
How Many Bibs Do I Need For A Newborn? The Spitty Truth
It was Thanksgiving 2017, and Maya was exactly six weeks old. We were at my mother-in-lawβs house, which is basically a museum of white linen and breakable objects, and I was wearing a rust-colored silk blouse because I was, like,...
The Great Wool Disaster: Surviving a Ridiculous Baby Knit Set
The clock on the microwave said 3:14 AM, and the smell hit me before I even reached the landing. It was that distinct, metallic, sweet-yet-horrific scent of a total nappy failure. In the cot, Matilda was standing up, gripping the...
The utter chaos of dressing twins in retro kids clothes
My mother-in-law practically kicked our front door off its hinges last Tuesday to hand me a bin bag full of highly flammable, heavily synthetic 1984 baby rompers that my wife apparently wore, insisting the twins needed to wear them immediately....
A Letter To Past Me About The Winter Onesie Sweater Situation
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing by the radiator in the front room of our freezing London flat, staring at your hands. The boiler is making that ominous clunking sound again, Alice is attempting to eat a...