The Hackney Standoff: Two Babies, One Urban Fox, Zero Dignity
At 5:43 AM on a drizzly Tuesday, I found myself in a high-stakes staring contest with a mangy urban fox. I was armed only with a lukewarm mug of instant coffee and two extremely confident toddlers who were aggressively wielding...
The Truth About Unique Baby Gifts From A Mom Who Kept The Receipts
I'm currently standing in my garage sweating through my favorite oversized t-shirt, aggressively trying to shove a five-foot-tall plush giraffe into a cardboard donation box while my toddler throws stale Cheerios at the dog. My oldest, bless her heart, was...
A Warning To Past Me About Surviving The Plastic Brick Phase
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing in the doorway of the nursery, holding a lukewarm cup of tea, looking affectionately at a beautifully curated shelf. You think you've absolutely nailed this parenting thing, don't you? You haven't....
Josh and Aubree Jones Named Their Baby Disney (And I Get It)
Dear past Tom You're currently sitting on the bathroom floor at 3:14 AM, using a cold, damp flannel to wipe what you fervently hope is pureed parsnip off your left shoulder. Beatrice (the twin who currently believes she's a domesticated...
When The Baby Sister Strikes Back: A Dad's Guide to Sibling Survival
When we first found out we were having twins, which is essentially the experience of introducing a new baby to another baby who's exactly the same age and equally furious about it, the unsolicited advice began rolling in like fog...
Surviving The Baby Kitty Phase When Your Kid Decides To Meow
Sarahβs Honda hadn't even cleared the driveway before the transformation occurred. I was standing in the kitchen, tracking the ambient room temperature on the thermostat (a solid 68 degrees), when I heard a sound that I can only describe as...
I Want My Baby Back Ribs: A Parent's Guide to BBQ Survival
The greatest lie ever sold to modern fathers is the myth of the Sunday Barbecue Patriarch. You know the bloke. Heβs standing on a pristine patio holding a pair of silver tongs, staring thoughtfully into a massive matte-black smoker for...
Why "Love You Like A Love Song" Saved My Sanity (A Letter)
Dear Jess from last November. You're currently sitting on the peeling linoleum in the hallway, hiding from a four-month-old who's screaming like a tiny banshee because you put him on his stomach. The Texas heat is absolutely brutal outside, our...
The Hydrogen Bomb vs Coughing Baby Meme: A Letter to Past Me
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently standing in the hallway at 3:14 AM holding a humidifier tank that's leaking all over your fuzzy slippers, crying because your little G baby, Georgia, sounds like a pack-a-day smoker, and you're...