The biggest, most universally accepted myth about giving birth is that you're going to be handed this perfect, squishy, entirely gummy little blob of a human. I fully believed this. I thought I had at least six solid months of toothless, gummy smiles before I had to even think about teething, which is like, the one grace period the universe gives you when you're bleeding into mesh underwear and running on exactly zero minutes of sleep.

Bullshit.

I was sitting in my hospital bed at 3:14 AM. I know the exact time because the digital clock on the wall was glowing with this aggressive red light that was burning into my retinas. I was drinking my third cup of hospital coffee, which tasted exactly like brown crayon water, and wearing a hospital gown that was entirely unbuttoned because dignity is a concept that stays in the parking lot. Dave was asleep on that horrible vinyl fold-out chair, wearing his college t-shirt with the hole in the armpit, snoring softly while I just stared at newborn Leo.

Leo yawned. A big, wide, newborn stretch of a yawn.

And there it was.

A glimmer of white. At the bottom of his mouth. Just sitting there, looking sharp and terrifying and completely out of place in a face that was only thirty-four hours old.

I froze. I literally rubbed my eyes, thinking the epidural was making me hallucinate, but no, when I pulled his little lower lip down—very gently because he looked like he might break—I felt it. A jagged, hard, very real little ridge.

I immediately panicked and grabbed my phone, which had a cracked screen that made reading impossible, and with my thumbs shaking so badly I was missing all the keys, I aggressively typed "can a babi be born with teeth" into Google. Yes, I spelled it babi because I couldn't find the Y and I was crying. I was convinced I had birthed a tiny vampire or some sort of genetic anomaly that was going to end up in a medical journal.

The absolute panic of the pediatric check-in

I threw a pillow at Dave to wake him up. He bolted upright, panicked, and when I told him to look in his son's mouth, he just squinted and said, "Is he supposed to have that?"

No, Dave. He's not. Anyway, the point is, when Dr. Miller finally rounded in the morning, smelling faintly of stale graham crackers and looking like he also hadn't slept since 2018, I practically grabbed him by his collar. I demanded to know why my child came pre-loaded with dental hardware.

Dr. Miller didn't even blink. He just shined his little pen light in there and muttered something about "natal teeth."

Apparently, this is a thing. It’s a whole known phenomenon that nobody warns you about in those stupid birthing classes where they make you practice breathing with a focal point. Dr. Miller explained that while babies are usually gummy, sometimes they just... aren't. He threw out some wildly confusing statistics, saying that maybe one in a few thousand babies have them, but then mentioned he'd read some new study saying it could be as common as one in three hundred, which is a massive difference if you ask me. Science literally has no idea. They just know it happens, usually on the bottom front, and they're almost always just the kid's regular baby teeth that got overexcited and showed up months ahead of schedule.

I remember just sitting there, processing this, while looking at the "Welcome sweet babie" cake my mother-in-law had brought in earlier (the bakery misspelled baby, which felt fitting for this entire chaotic experience). I had a baby with a tooth. A newborn. A floppy, zero-head-control infant who was already ready to bite me.

Nursing a baby who's secretly armed

Oh god. The breastfeeding.

Nursing a baby who's secretly armed — So, Can Your Newborn Really Be Born With Teeth? (My Freakout)

If you've never tried to latch a newborn who's equipped with a tiny, poorly attached razor blade in his lower jaw, let me tell you, it's an experience that will test your will to live. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Lactation consultants will come in with their soothing voices and their weird knitted breast models and tell you to just adjust the angle or pull the chin down or try the football hold. Do whatever you need to survive this moment because frankly the "right way" to nurse goes out the window when your nipple is being actively sawed on.

I ended up sending Dave to the pharmacy for nipple shields at like 11 PM on our first night home. The shields are the only reason I didn't switch entirely to formula on day three, though there's absolutely zero shame in doing that because maternal sanity is actually important, despite what the internet tells you.

But the breastfeeding trauma wasn't even the scariest part. Dr. Miller told us we had to watch out for something called Riga-Fede disease, which sounds medieval but is really just the tooth rubbing a giant, painful ulcer under the baby's own tongue. Plus, natal teeth usually don't have good roots. They're wobbly. They wiggle. Dr. Miller wiggled Leo's tooth with his gloved finger and I almost threw up because the idea of it detaching and Leo choking on his own premature body part was enough to send my postpartum anxiety into the absolute stratosphere.

Wait, what about extra teeth? Are they supernumerary? Dr. Miller said less than 10% are extra teeth, so we just assumed it was his normal incisor and moved on with our lives, mostly because I didn't have the mental capacity to worry about pediatric dental x-rays at that exact moment.

Finding things for him to chew on when it felt illegal

Because he had this weird little early tooth, his gums were sensitive way before they were supposed to be. He was fussy in a way that didn't match the typical newborn gas or tiredness. He wanted to gnaw.

Finding things for him to chew on when it felt illegal — So, Can Your Newborn Really Be Born With Teeth? (My Freakout)

Giving a tiny infant a teether feels fundamentally wrong, like giving car keys to a toddler, but we were desperate. If you're in this incredibly weird, specific boat, or if you just want to prepare for when the teething nightmare inevitably hits, you should absolutely look at Kianao's educational toys and teething collection because some of the mainstream plastic crap out there's genuinely useless.

My absolute savior during this time was the Fox Rattle Tooth Ring. I've a very specific, deeply emotional attachment to this thing. I bought it at 3 AM during a late-night nursing session when Leo was just biting the hell out of me and I was crying silent tears into the dark.

When it arrived, it felt so nice. It has this smooth, solid beech wood ring that was exactly the right kind of firm for Leo's weird little natal tooth. Plastic teethers just felt too slippery, and the gel ones you freeze were too intense for his tiny mouth, but the natural wood was perfect. He couldn't really hold it himself at first, obviously, so I'd sit there on the edge of the couch, watching terrible reality TV, just holding this little crocheted fox to his mouth while he furiously gummed the wooden ring. The yarn is cotton, and it held up to so much spit. So much spit. He eventually figured out how to hold it, and the little rattle sound was the only thing that would stop his crying in the car seat. I literally bought a second one to keep in the diaper bag because if we lost the fox, I was going to walk into the ocean.

Now, my mother-in-law also bought us the Panda Teether Silicone Baby Bamboo Chew Toy. I'll be totally honest, it's just okay for the newborn stage. It's super cute, and it's 100% food-grade silicone so I knew it was safe, but the flat shape was a little awkward for Leo's tiny face early on. My daughter Maya actually found it a year later and used it as a chew toy for herself, and then eventually threw it at the cat. It's incredibly durable and dishwasher safe, which is great when your toddler hurls it across the kitchen floor, but the Fox was the real MVP for us.

The ocean of drool and saving their skin

With the early tooth came the early drool. Nobody prepares you for the sheer volume of liquid a tiny human can produce from their mouth. Leo was constantly soaked. His chest was wet, his neck folds were wet, and he started getting this angry, red, bumpy rash right under his chin because synthetic fabrics just trap the moisture and turn it into a swamp.

I got so tired of changing him eight times a day that I totally overhauled his clothes. I bought a stack of the Organic Cotton Baby Bodysuits from Kianao. I'm not usually someone who preaches about organic everything—I definitely ate cold pizza off a paper towel yesterday—but for baby clothes, the fabric actually matters.

The organic cotton absorbs the drool without getting instantly freezing cold and gross against his skin. They have this 5% elastane stretch so when I was wrestling a squirmy, crying, teething baby into a fresh outfit at 2 AM, I didn't feel like I was going to break his arms trying to get them through the sleeves. They wash beautifully, too. I threw them in the machine with regular detergent, no special treatment, and they didn't shrink into weird, wide, unwearable squares like the cheap multipack onesies do. If you've a drooly baby, just get the good cotton. It saves you so much laundry rage.

Listen, if you're staring at a tiny jagged white thing in your newborn's mouth right now, I know you're probably freaking out. Take a breath. It's weird, it's annoying, and it makes breastfeeding an extreme sport, but it's okay. You're going to survive it. Dave and I survived it, and Leo is now four and eating his weight in Goldfish crackers with a perfectly normal set of teeth.

Before you completely lose your mind and start googling pediatric dental surgeons in your area while hyperventilating into a paper bag, grab a coffee, sit down, and shop Kianao's newborn essentials to get the right gear to survive this incredibly bizarre phase of parenthood.

The messy, honest FAQs about babies born with teeth

Will the pediatrician just yank the tooth out immediately?
God, I thought they would, but Dr. Miller said they seriously hate pulling them unless they're literally hanging by a thread. If they pull a normal baby tooth that just came early, your kid is going to have a gap in their smile until they're like, seven years old. They usually only pull it if it's super loose and a choking hazard, or if it's cutting up the baby's tongue so badly that they can't eat. Otherwise, it just stays there. Looking weird.

Does this mean my kid is some sort of medical mutant?
No, I promise. I thought Leo had some rare genetic syndrome, but it's usually just an isolated, weird biological glitch. Genetics play a part, so you can totally blame your partner's family history if you want to. Dave's mom apparently had a cousin who was born with a tooth, which would have been nice to know before I gave birth, but whatever.

How the hell do you clean a tooth on a three-day-old baby?
You don't use a toothbrush, I can tell you that. It feels completely insane. I just took a damp, clean organic cotton washcloth and very, very gently wiped the little tooth twice a day. The enamel on natal teeth is basically non-existent, so they get cavities super easily if you just leave milk sitting on them. Just a quick wipe, nothing aggressive.

Can I really keep breastfeeding if it hurts this much?
You can, but you don't have to. Please hear me on this. If it's destroying your mental health, stop. But if you want to keep going, get silicone nipple shields immediately. They create a physical barrier between you and the tiny razor blade. Also, play around with how you hold the baby—sometimes tipping their head back just a fraction changes the angle enough that the tooth doesn't dig in. But seriously, use the shields.

Are they going to choke on it in their sleep?
This kept me awake for a week straight. But pediatricians check how loose it's before you leave the hospital. If it's dangerously loose, they'll handle it. If they leave it, it means the root is strong enough that it's not going to just pop out while they're sleeping in the bassinet. Just keep an eye on it, and if it suddenly gets super wobbly when they're a few weeks old, take them back to the doctor. But mostly, it'll just firm up on its own.