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A terrified dad clutching a coffee mug while watching a toddler attempt to climb a bookshelf.

Rewatching The 1994 Film Babys Day Out Broke My Parent Brain

I'm pausing the TV at exactly the 24-minute mark to go check the tensile strength of our front door's deadbolt. My wife is staring at the ceiling from the couch, audibly wondering why I can't just enjoy a movie like...

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bambi baby store inspired deer pattern organic blanket

The Bambi Baby Store Standard: Surviving the Gear Shopping Madness

"Sleep when the baby sleeps," my mother confidently announced over a lukewarm cup of tea, completely ignoring the fact that there were two babies and they were heavily invested in sleeping in opposing four-hour shifts. "You absolutely must keep them...

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Tom staring at a glowing phone screen in a dark nursery while twin babies sleep in the background

That 3AM Panic Search: How To Tell If The Babys All Right Now

The glow of my phone screen was the only light in the nursery, illuminating the half-eaten Hobnob I had abandoned on the nursing chair. It was 3:14 AM. Twin A (who we had quietly designated the Loud One) was making...

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Tom checking his phone for news about the Erika Kirk pregnancy rumours while holding a baby toy.

Is Erika Kirk Expecting a Baby? The AI Rumours I Totally Believed

I was attempting to chisel a cement-like layer of yesterday's Weetabix off the highchair tray at 6:14 AM when the notification slid across my phone screen. Twin A was systematically dismantling the dog's bed, and Twin B was crying because...

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A very tired dad staring blankly at a wall of infant milk cans in a grocery store aisle.

The Great Formula Panics: What I Learned About Feeding My Kid

It was 4:12 AM, I was holding a screaming, thrashing newborn, and my laptop screen was glowing in the dark with a massive spreadsheet titled Formula_Matrix_v4_FINAL.xlsx. My wife walked into the kitchen, looked at the screen, looked at my bloodshot...

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animal learningearly developmentfatherhoodorganic baby clothessensory play
A bewildered dad looking at a baby platypus plush toy next to a modern laptop and baby gear.

The Baby Platypus Taught Me More About Parenting Than Books

When it came time to figure out how we were going to explain the birds and the beesβ€”or just basic mammalian biologyβ€”to our kid, I got three entirely different pieces of advice within a 24-hour window. My mother-in-law told me...

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A sleep-deprived dad staring at a spreadsheet of baby boy names on his laptop

Decoding baby names for boys: A dad's naming algorithm

Line 74 of my Google Sheet was flashing neon green. I'd written a custom script to highlight any moniker with a standard deviation of less than 5% in popularity over the last decade, filtering out anything that spiked due to...

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FatherhoodhumorParenting Tipssurvivaltech gear
Dad checking his smartwatch decibel meter while holding a baby in earmuffs.

The Theater Beta Test: Bringing an 11-Month-Old to the Movies

I was standing under the dripping marquee of the Hollywood Theatre here in Portland, staring at the decibel meter app on my Apple Watch while my 11-month-old daughter Maya actively tried to chew off the zipper of my rain jacket....

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A tired father holding a wooden baby mobile in a messy nursery

A Letter To Past Tom About Hanging Baby Mobiles

Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing in your socks on a wobbly Ikea step stool at 2:13 AM. You have a plastic, battery-guzzling, brightly coloured spaceship contraption in one hand and a tiny screwdriver clamped between your...

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