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What the Clairo Nepo Baby Drama Taught Me About Parenting
The internet wants you to believe the only way to give your kid a leg up in life is to be a multi-millionaire marketing executive who plays golf with record label CEOs. I know this because at 6:13 AM this...
The Best Evo Baby Dragon Decks for Sleep-Deprived Parents
There's this massive, completely unhinged myth in the parenting space that the absolute second you bring a newborn home from the hospital, your smartphone suddenly becomes this pristine, educational tool used exclusively for tracking ounces of breastmilk and playing white...
What I Wish I Knew Before Googling Dwarf Baby Tears
Dear Sarah of November 14th, currently sitting on the cold bathroom tile at 3:17 AM in yesterday's yogurt-stained Lululemon leggings. You have your phone in one hand and a screaming four-month-old Leo in the other, and you're desperately typing things...
Dear Past Me: The Messy Truth About Having a Lip Tie Baby
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the undersized, aggressively cheerful yellow chair in Dr. Vanceβs pediatric dental waiting room. Itβs a Tuesday. You're wearing those black leggings that have a hole near the left knee,...
How I survived the Π΄Π΅ΡΡΠΊΠΈ ΠΌΠ°ΡΠΈΠ½ΠΊΠΈ invasion in our living room
The exact moment I realized my living room had been permanently rezoned for industrial use was at 2:14 AM on a Tuesday. I was walking barefoot to the kitchen to fix a bottle, half asleep, when my heel came down...
Dear past Priya: The Mattel distribution delusion was a mistake
I'm staring at a municipal zoning map of Cook County at three in the morning with half a cold samosa in my hand, trying to figure out if our detached garage qualifies as a commercial loading dock. This is where...
Expectation vs Reality: Montessori Toys for Nine Month Old Twins
There I was, at 6:42 am on a Tuesday, trying to fish a soggy, half-dissolved piece of Amazon packaging out of Maya's mouth while her sister, Chloe, methodically used a Β£45 plastic, battery-powered farm animal as a blunt instrument to...
Spielsachen 4 Jahre: The Truth About Toys For Four-Year-Olds
The most successful grift in the modern parenting industrial complex is the word "educational" slapped on a box containing a plastic, seizure-inducing nightmare. You know the exact toy I'm talking about. Itβs usually shaped like a dog or a heavily...
Debugging the Playroom: An Honest Dad's Guide to Toy Wooden Toys
My mother-in-law was standing in our kitchen holding a neon plastic command center that apparently taught conversational Spanish through flashing LEDs, while my neighbor from the Portland farmer's market was actively telling me that anything other than raw, untreated birch...