What Nobody Tells You About Buying Cribs for Babies
I was sitting on the floor of what used to be my home office, dripping sweat onto a set of Scandinavian assembly instructions, clutching a tiny Allen key like a weapon. It was 2am. My wife was heavily pregnant with...
The Brutally Honest Truth About the Orbit Baby Stroller System
It was raining, obviously. I was standing in the parking lot of the Trader Joeβs on 4th Street, wearing yoga pants that hadnβt actually seen a yoga mat since sometime in 2017. Maya was strapped into her car seat screaming...
Max Verstappen Baby Quotes and the Packaged Chicken Problem
My mother-in-law told me I had to hold the baby firmly against my left pectoral so she could sync to my heartbeat like a Bluetooth device. My senior developer Slack-messaged me to keep the baby elevated at exactly a 45-degree...
Troubleshooting the 3 AM Baby Glitch and Other Night Terrors
My thumb was hovering over the backspace key at 3:14 AM, the harsh blue light of my phone screen illuminating the spit-up crusted on my shoulder. I had managed to type exactly six letters into the search bar with my...
Dear Exhausted Mom: The Massive Lie About Sleeping Like a Baby
Dear Jess from six months ago, Youβre currently sitting cross-legged on the linoleum floor of the laundry room at 3:14 AM, trying to fold a mountain of onesies with one hand while desperately swaying a screaming newborn in your other...
The Truth About Cradles and That Scalp Crust Nobody Mentions
The smell of lemon wood polish hit me the second I walked into our Chicago apartment with a three-day-old infant in my arms. Sitting right in the middle of our cramped living room was a massive, dark wood antique baby...
The Search for the Best Cooling Blanket When Nobody Actually Sleeps
I asked three different people what to do about the fact that my wife and I were waking up at 3 am glued to our mattress like damp Post-it notes. My mum suggested leaving a window open, which in November...
Do Babies Cry In The Womb? What Those Ultrasound Scans Really Mean
When my wife was twenty weeks pregnant with our twin girls, we received exactly three pieces of deeply conflicting, entirely unsolicited advice within a forty-eight-hour window. My mother-in-law insisted we needed to play Mozart pressed directly against the bump to...
Why The Ronettesβ 1963 Hit Is My Ultimate Parenting Hack
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and Maya was screaming with the kind of primal, glass-shattering intensity that makes your own teeth physically hurt. I was wearing a gray fleece robe that smelled vaguely of sour milk...