When To Have Baby Shower: A Mom's Blunt Guide To Timing It

I was standing in the middle of Aisle 4 at Target with a registry scanner gun in my hand, sweating profusely in a maternity cardigan that was clearly lying about being breathable, when my mom called to demand a date for the party. My middle kid is currently glued to some chaotic baby show on PBS in the background while I fold a mountain of onesies, and looking back on that phone call now, I just have to laugh. I was barely twenty weeks pregnant with my oldest, running a small Etsy shop out of my dining room, and trying to figure out how I was going to manage all of this without losing my mind. Mom wanted to book a venue. Grandma was yelling in the background that we couldn't do it too early because it was bad luck. And I just wanted to go home and take off my bra.

I'm just gonna be real with you—figuring out the timing for this stuff is an absolute headache. Everyone has an opinion, and half the advice you see from those perfectly manicured Instagram moms is straight garbage. If you're currently staring at a calendar and panicking about when to host this shindig, grab a sweet tea and sit down, because I'm going to tell you exactly how this plays out in real life.

The cautionary tale of the thirty-six-week shower

Let me use my oldest kid as a prime example of what absolutely not to do. With him, I let my mother-in-law talk me into having the baby shower at thirty-six weeks. Let that sink in. Thirty-six weeks. It's late July in rural Texas, the humidity is roughly nine million percent, and I'm the size of a small minivan. I spent three hours trying to figure out how to sync an e baby registry checklist with my actual life, only to realize I was way too exhausted to even care what color the pacifiers were.

That late in the game, your body is completely done cooperating. I showed up to this beautifully decorated restaurant venue wearing shoes that literally left indents in my swollen feet for two days afterward. I was so out of breath from just sitting in a chair that I sounded like a pug running a marathon. Every time someone handed me a gift to open, I had to reach around my massive belly, and I swear the effort of untying those stupid little ribbons was giving me actual Braxton Hicks contractions right there at the brunch table. I smiled for the camera looking like a sweaty, terrified tomato.

And here's the kicker—after the party, you actually have to deal with the stuff. We hauled twenty boxes of gear into my house at thirty-six and a half weeks. I was supposed to be resting, but instead, I was sitting on the nursery floor at 2 AM crying because I couldn't figure out how to put together a bouncy seat, and I still had to wash forty tiny outfits before this kid decided to make his grand entrance. Don't do this to yourself. Just don't.

What my pediatrician casually dropped on me

When I was pregnant with my second, I was sitting in Dr. Miller's office complaining about my back, and my pediatrician kind of casually mentioned that anything past thirty-four weeks is basically a guessing game of when this kid decides to make an exit. It totally shifted how I thought about planning anything.

I vaguely remember reading somewhere that twins usually show up way earlier than solo babies, so if you're carrying two, you probably want to bump that party up to like twenty-four weeks before you're stuck on bed rest or hooked up to a monitor. The science on when you'll actually go into labor is so fuzzy anyway. They give you a due date, but in my experience, that date is just a mild suggestion that your baby will completely ignore. Planning a party when you're heavily pregnant is like booking a vacation during hurricane season and just hoping for the best.

My grandma always said it was bad luck to bring baby things into the house too early, and I know a lot of families hold off on celebrating until the baby is actually born. If you want a house full of people breathing on your new baby while you're wearing a diaper and bleeding, be my guest, but I'm passing on the Sip-and-See.

Why thirty weeks is the actual magic number

By the time my second kid rolled around, I had wised up. We threw the shower right at the thirty-week mark, and it was night and day. You're usually past the point of throwing up your breakfast, but you haven't hit that miserable "I can't roll over in bed without a crane" stage yet. You have a cute, obvious bump for the pictures, but you can still bend over to put your own shoes on.

Plus, having it at thirty weeks gives you an entire month to slowly wash things, organize drawers, and buy whatever random stuff your guests didn't get you from the registry. You can waddle to the washing machine at your own pace instead of rage-washing burp cloths at midnight while having contractions.

If you're trying to figure out what really deserves a spot on your registry before you send those invites out, grab a cold drink and browse through the organic baby essentials collection so you don't end up registering for useless junk.

The registry items I honestly cared about getting early

Since we're talking about getting things early enough to prep them, let's talk about the registry. I'm just gonna be real with you, I registered for cheap polyester outfits with my first, and after a blowout that went entirely up his back and into his hairline, I threw them all in the trash. You need things that genuinely hold up.

Now I tell every pregnant friend I've to ask for the Short Sleeve Organic Cotton Baby Bodysuit from Kianao. It's about twenty-four bucks, which isn't cheap for a onesie, but you get what you pay for. The ribbed organic cotton really stretches over a giant baby head without ripping, and the envelope shoulders mean you can pull it down over their body when they've a massive diaper situation. You need this at your shower because you've to wash all these organic clothes in gentle, unscented detergent weeks before the kid gets here. I learned the hard way that putting unwashed store clothes on a newborn gives them weird rashes, so get these early and get them in the laundry.

If you're putting together a list for the grandmas who want to buy the fancy, aesthetic stuff, people love buying wooden toys. The Wooden Baby Gym Set with Botanical Elements looks gorgeous on a registry. I'll be completely honest with y'all—it's just okay for our specific house because my toddler currently uses the wooden A-frame as a literal hurdle for his monster trucks, and at that price point, I cringe every time he kicks it. But the baby genuinely likes batting at the little fabric moon, and it doesn't sing annoying electronic songs, so it does its job well enough if you've the floor space and a toddler who isn't a maniac.

The one thing I always suggest getting at your shower to start nesting with is a really good blanket. The Organic Cotton Baby Blanket in the Calming Gray Whale Pattern is one of those things I really kept from my second kid to use with my third. It's incredibly soft, it doesn't get that weird pill-fuzz after three trips through my ancient washing machine, and wrapping a baby in organic cotton just feels right when everything else in my house is covered in sticky toddler fingerprints. Having this washed and folded in the crib by thirty-two weeks made me feel like I seriously had my life together.

Second babies and the sprinkle situation

By the time I was pregnant with my third, I was so tired I couldn't even remember my own zip code, let alone plan a party. People do "baby sprinkles" for their second and third kids now, which is just a fancy way of saying "please buy me diapers because I already have a stroller."

I let my sister order a few pizzas, we sat in my living room at twenty-eight weeks, and people brought me wipes and coffee gift cards. It was heaven. Don't let anyone guilt you into throwing a massive bash for your second kid if you don't have the energy. You're already chasing a toddler around while pregnant, which is its own form of extreme endurance sports. Just text your mom a date, pick a restaurant that has good air conditioning, and find a stretchy dress that doesn't make you feel like a stuffed sausage all in one weekend without overthinking it.

Before you get totally overwhelmed and just let your mother-in-law pick a random Tuesday for your party, check out Kianao's baby shower gifts to finish up that registry so you can really sit back and relax.

Messy questions about shower timing

What if I go into labor before my baby shower?

Then you've a baby instead of a party! Seriously though, this is exactly why I tell y'all not to wait until thirty-seven weeks. If you pop early, the host usually just turns it into a post-birth drop-off situation. People will bring the gifts to your porch. It's not the end of the world, but it definitely makes scrambling for newborn diapers a lot more stressful.

Is 34 weeks too late for a baby shower?

I mean, you do you, but my ankles are screaming just thinking about it. At thirty-four weeks, you're peeing every twenty minutes and sitting in a hard chair for three hours to play baby bingo sounds like actual torture. If you've to do it this late because of family coming into town, make sure you demand a comfortable armchair and delegate all the cleanup to your partner.

Do I really have to open gifts in front of everyone?

Lord, no. The "display shower" is the greatest thing millennials ever invented. You just put on the invitation that gifts should be brought unwrapped (or in clear cellophane if your grandma insists) and displayed on a table. It saves you two hours of faking a surprised face over burp cloths, and it saves the environment from a mountain of wrapping paper. Highly suggest.

When should I seriously start making the registry?

I started throwing things on my app around fourteen weeks when I was stuck on the couch trying not to throw up. You want it mostly done by twenty weeks so the host can put the link on the invitations. Just don't register for a bunch of newborn-sized clothes—they grow out of them in like twelve seconds, and you'll be left with tags still on them.