Why We Are Obsessed With The Homeless Billionaire Baby Daddy
My mother-in-law told me I just needed to pray harder to find my village. The lactation consultant at the hospital said I needed to schedule self-care in fifteen-minute increments. My best friend, three margaritas deep, told me to just download...
The Absurd Reality of Raising a Hemangioma Baby (And Not Dying)
If you ever find yourself holding your phone's flashlight inches from your sleeping infant's shoulder at three in the morning while furiously typing "rapidly growing bright red lump" into a search engine, just shut the laptop and go to sleep,...
The Honest Truth About Buying H&M For Your Baby's Wardrobe
I’m currently staring at a mountain of beige ribbed leggings that have somehow survived three kids, while desperately trying to stretch the neck hole of a brand new so-called sustainable bodysuit that my youngest just got his giant head stuck...
What Is A Baby Boomer? A Survival Guide to Modern Grandparents
Don't, under any circumstances, pull up a PDF from the NHS while your father is trying to demonstrate how to properly swaddle an infant using a terrifyingly thick, incredibly scratchy polyester quilt from 1982. I did this during our first...
Dear Past Me: How to Survive the Whiny Baby Phase Without Losing It
You're currently standing in the kitchen staring into the glow of the open refrigerator at 3:14 AM, listening to the relentless, high-pitched vocalizations coming from the nursery monitor. You're holding a cold bottle of formula in one hand and your...
Where is Lil Baby From? Answering Your Kid's Hardest Questions
I was wrestling a shopping cart with a violently shaking left wheel through the Target clearance aisle, trying to decide if I really needed another wire basket to hold the junk I haven't sorted since Christmas, when my four-year-old yelled...
When Do You Have A Baby Shower? A Dad's Guide to Timing
Dear Marcus from six months ago, You're currently sitting at your desk while the Portland rain hammers against the window, staring at a flashing cursor on a shared Google Calendar. You're trying to calculate the exact deployment window for a...
When Babies Pull to Stand: The Messy, Exhausted Reality
I was wearing my favorite black leggings—the ones with the questionable yogurt stain on the left knee that I'd just sort of given up on washing out entirely—and holding my third cup of lukewarm coffee. It was a Tuesday at...
Exactly When Can You Tell The Sex Of A Baby? The Real Timeline
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold hexagonal tiles of the downstairs half-bath at 11:42 PM. You're wearing Dave's oversized college sweatpants with the bleach stain on the knee, and you're hyperventilating into a...