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Toddler banging on the keys of a dark wood baby grand piano in a messy living room

The Reality of Fitting a Baby Grand Piano in a House with Toddlers

I'm currently on my hands and knees in the lounge, holding one end of a metal tape measure while Maya, who's two, tries to eat the other end. Her twin sister, Lily, is repeatedly smashing a wooden spoon against the...

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Baby due date calculator app on a phone

Why my baby due date calculator was a massive, statistical lie

The bathroom tile was unforgivingly cold against my bare feet, but I barely noticed because I was staring at a plastic stick with two faint blue lines, desperately stabbing at my phone screen. I had just Googled "baby due date...

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Exhausted dad trying to make his unimpressed twin babies laugh

Waiting For A Giggle: When Do Babies Actually Start Laughing?

Right now, you're standing in the middle of the living room wearing a bright yellow plastic colander on your head while rhythmically striking a wooden spoon against your thigh. You're sweating through a t-shirt that smells faintly of sour milk...

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Exhausted dad holding two toddlers while looking at a bank statement

Lil baby net worth: What a rapper taught me about raising twins

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago It's currently 2:14 in the morning, and if my memory of six months ago is correct, you're currently pinned beneath a sweating, thrashing two-year-old girl while her identical sister sleeps horizontally across the...

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Toddler wearing a yellow backward cap and pink sweater holding a baby bottle.

How We Built a Baby Saja Costume (Without the Meltdown)

I was holding a detached, highly synthetic faux-collar in my left hand while my eleven-month-old son actively tried to eat a teal polyester wig. This was iteration one of the baby Saja outfit, ordered at 2 AM from a drop-shipping...

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An exhausted father holding a slightly squishy, red-faced newborn baby

The Myth of the Pretty Baby: Surviving the First Messy Months

3:14 AM. Tuesday. Or maybe Wednesday. I'm standing in the dark, heavily stained with an acidic mixture of formula and what I strongly suspect is Calpol, holding a screaming Twin A while Twin B begins to rustle ominously in the...

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Toddler twin girls in London flat playing with soft baby dolls on the floor

Why baby dolls took over my flat (and what the science says)

I'm currently staring at a small, disembodied plastic leg poking out from beneath our sofa. It belongs to ‘Baby Susan’, a doll who has suffered more blunt force trauma in the past three weeks than an amateur rugby player. If...

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babyfeedinghumourSolid Food & Finger Foodteethingtwin dad
A baby covered in meat juices chewing happily on a pork rib bone.

The Absurd Reality of Handing Your Infant a Rack of Baby Back Ribs

I'm sitting across the dining table watching one of my six-month-old twin daughters hold a massive, grease-slicked pork bone in her tiny, dimpled fist. She is gnawing on it with the intense, primal focus of a prehistoric hunter who has...

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A stressed parent looking at a mobile phone and a positive pregnancy test

The 3am Accutane Baby Panic: Skincare, Pregnancy, and Paranoia

The bathroom tiles were freezing against my bare legs, but the cold barely registered because I was staring at two things: a plastic stick with two faint pink lines, and a half-empty tube of prescription acne cream. It was 3:17...

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