How I Survived the Relentless Baby Crying Sound With Twin Girls
It was a Tuesday in mid-November, roughly 5:14 PM, when the air pressure in our London flat simply ceased to exist. I was holding a half-empty bottle of formula in one hand and a rogue, suspiciously damp sock in the...
Surviving Baby Daycare: What I Believed vs What Actually Happened
I'm currently sitting in a 2014 Skoda Estate, engine off, staring blankly at a laminated sign that reads "Little Acorns" through a windscreen smeared with what I sincerely hope is just mashed banana. My twin daughters, Isla and Freya, are...
The 3 AM Search For A Baby Doll Batman Sent Me Down A Weird Rabbit ...
It's 3:14 AM, and the amber glow of my phone screen is the only light in a room that currently smells heavily of Calpol and desperation. Maya (Twin A, currently operating with the feral energy of a raccoon trapped in...
Surviving the Baby Blue Bronco: A Parent's Guide to Tiny SUVs
Don't, under any circumstances, let a targeted social media algorithm convince you that buying a compact, retro-styled off-roader will somehow resurrect your pre-parenting coolness. I'm currently typing this with my kneecaps firmly wedged against the glovebox of what I can...
Finding a baby bat in your house and other midnight terrors
My mate Dave from the pub told me the best way to handle the situation was with a pint glass and a beer mat, as if I were dealing with a slightly aggressive bluebottle in a beer garden. My mother-in-law,...
Welcome to the Baby Baby Baby Echo Chamber of Twin Parenting
I was standing in our galley kitchen at 4:13 in the morning, holding an electric kettle that I hadn't bothered to plug in, staring blankly at the wall while a rhythmic, pulsing chant echoed from the monitor clipped to my...
Why the all on me lil baby track hits different as a London dad
It was 2:14 PM on a grim, relentlessly drizzly Tuesday in London, and I was on my hands and knees scraping something that I desperately hoped was mashed avocado off the skirting board. Twin A (Florence) was howling on the...
How to Survive the Feral Baby Hyena Phase of Human Toddlerhood
It happened at exactly 3:14 on a Tuesday morning. I was attempting the treacherous transfer from shoulder to cotβa maneuver that requires the stealth of a ninja and the steady hands of a bomb disposal expertβwhen Florence woke up. She...
Confessions: Why a Plastic Bag is a Terrible Baby Keepsake Box
I'm currently sitting cross-legged on a heavily stained rug at two in the morning, holding a small, crinkled ziplock bag that looks suspiciously like evidence from a low-budget crime scene. Inside is a tiny, pale wisp of hair. I know,...