Why Treating My Infant Like A Little Primate Saved My Sanity
It was 3:17 AM. I was wearing a nursing tank top that smelled so aggressively of sour milk and desperation that Iβm pretty sure our dog was actively avoiding eye contact with me, and I was standing frozen over the...
The Absolute Real Truth About Having a Sugar Baby 2024 Edition
I was literally standing in the middle of the Target baby aisle on a Tuesday at 9 AM, wearing yesterday's yoga pants that definitely had dried oatmeal on the knee, holding a pouch of pureed pear and spinach, when my...
Talk To Me Baby: Why We Need To Stop Sounding Like Tax Attorneys
I was at a coffee shop in Lincoln Park yesterday when I heard a mother next to me explaining the concept of municipal bonds to her three-month-old. She was using a flat, monotone, deeply serious voice. The infant was staring...
The trey coolin baby boo trend: digital safety for your infant
The blue light from my phone was throwing weird, sharp shadows against the nursery wall. It was 3 AM. My son was finally asleep on my chest after a four-hour teething marathon that left us both smelling like sour milk...
Why My Kid Packed A Box After Watching we baby bears
I was standing in the kitchen folding my seventh load of laundry on a Tuesday afternoon when I heard the unmistakable, aggressive sound of packing tape ripping off the roll. I dropped a pile of mismatched socks, walked into the...
When Does the Newborn Phase Actually End? A Dad's Late-Night Dive
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was holding a grunting, scrunching potato in the glow of my smartphone while the Portland rain hammered against the nursery window. We were exactly 32 days into this whole parenthood experiment....
Where is Lil Baby From? Answering Your Kid's Hardest Questions
I was wrestling a shopping cart with a violently shaking left wheel through the Target clearance aisle, trying to decide if I really needed another wire basket to hold the junk I haven't sorted since Christmas, when my four-year-old yelled...
When Should Babies Start Talking? A Real Mom's Messy Timeline
I was sitting cross-legged on my faded floral living room rug, aggressively thrusting a plastic cow at my nine-month-old son, Wyatt, and loudly mouthing the word "MOOO" like a deranged person. He just stared at me, blinking slowly, probably wondering...
The agonizing wait for a tiny flutter: early pregnancy heartbeats
I was staring at the acoustic ceiling tiles in room four of my obstetrician's office, counting the little perforated dots while trying to remember how to breathe. The transvaginal ultrasound wand is nobody's friend. It's basically a plastic joystick wielded...