Troubleshooting the Caden Lane Baby Hype: A Dad's Deep Dive
It's 3:14 AM, and I'm trying to thread a microscopic plastic zipper in total darkness while a small, angry human practices mixed martial arts against my kidneys. My 11-month-old son has just executed a catastrophic diaper payload, and I'm currently...
How To Choose A Baby Shower Guest Outfit Without Overthinking
I'm currently sitting on my bedroom floor, staring at a mountain of clean laundry that I refuse to fold, trying to figure out what on earth to wear to my cousin's baby shower this weekend. Iβve got a hot pink...
The Brutal Truth About What to Buy for a Baby Shower
I'm currently sitting on my living room floor peeling dried hot glue off my thumb, trying to make a makeshift diaper cake look less like a leaning tower of trash, and thinking about the sheer amount of money I wasted...
The Truth About Baby Shower Game Prizes: What Guests Truly Want
I was standing in our living room holding exactly forty-two miniature plastic pacifiers threaded onto pastel pink ribbons, staring blankly at my wife. Outside, it was doing that classic Portland drizzle, but inside, our house had been converted into a...
The Real Baby Series of Milestones Nobody Warns You About
It's 6:42 AM and I just deeply punctured my left heel on a plastic high chair the size of a thimble. My oldest daughter, bless her heart, left it right outside the bathroom door where I'd blindly step on it....
Throw Away the Weekly Milestone App Before You Lose Your Mind
I was sitting on the bath mat at 2:14 AM, the harsh blue light of my phone illuminating the absolute panic on my face while my oldest, Leo, slept in the next room. I was staring at the glowing screen...
Orbit Baby G5 Stroller: A Letter to My Exhausted Past Self
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently standing in the Jewel-Osco parking lot on Southport. The wind is doing that thing where it physically hurts your face. Your C-section incision feels like it's unzipping, and you're contorting your spine...
Debugging the Perfect New Baby Wish (Without Sounding Unhinged)
When my friend Dave's wife had a baby last month, I asked three different people what I should write in the card, which was my first mistake. My project manager told me to keep it strictly professional and focus on...
The Brutal Truth About Little Me Baby Clothes and Newborn Wardrobes
I'm currently sitting on my bedroom floor, staring at a miniature tweed blazer on a tiny wooden hanger. My mother-in-law sent it for the baby, and bless her heart, she means well. But my six-month-old currently spends his waking hours...