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My wife Sarah was standing in the middle of our disaster-zone living room, holding a pair of kitchen shears perilously close to a massive, glaringly obvious red security tag, while Florence (twin A, the escape artist) was actively attempting to...

I was locked in a sweltering utility closet at my cousin's wedding in East Texas, wrestling a static-cling polyester wrap dress off my milk-leaking chest while my oldest, bless his heart, methodically smeared wedding cake icing onto my only good...

"Put them in traditional taffeta, it builds character," my mother declared over a lukewarm cup of Earl Grey, adjusting her glasses as if inspecting my parenting credentials for microscopic flaws. "Just get those matching velvet twin suits from Instagram," my...

There I was, standing in the vestibule of St. Jude’s Catholic Church at exactly 1:42 PM on a sweltering Saturday in May, trying to peel a 100% rigid polyester jacket off my screaming eighteen-month-old son, Leo. My own dress—some floral...