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Surviving Our Twins' First Spring Holidays in Tulle and Panic
It's the second Tuesday of March, and I'm sweating profusely in the middle of a high street boutique, holding a hanger that looks like it was designed for a slightly malnourished doll. I'm trying to decipher if a garment optimistically...
Why finding baby formula without seed oils is driving me crazy
I was sitting on my kitchen floor at 3 AM wearing my husband's college sweatpants that have a literal hole in the crotch, aggressively Googling fat blends while Maya screamed from her bassinet in the other room. I had a...
Letter to past me: finding an easter outfit baby boy will tolerate
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently standing in the toddler section of Macy's on State Street, staring at a three-piece tweed suit made for a human who can't yet walk. You're sweating through your scrubs after a twelve-hour...
Dressing Your Infant in a Devil's Rejects Baby Firefly Costume
The single biggest myth in modern parenting is the delusion that your infant is a blank, cooperative canvas for your own deeply specific pop-culture obsessions. I discovered this entirely too late while trying to explain to a very judgmental woman...
The truth about putting a camo baby tee on your actual infant
I was sitting at my kitchen island at two in the morning last Tuesday, staring at my phone and losing my mind. I just wanted to buy a normal shirt for my son. But when you search for a baby...
Before and After: Smoking Baby Back Ribs With An 11-Month-Old
It's 6:14 AM on a damp Portland Saturday, exactly 43.7 degrees outside, and I'm standing on my patio holding a squirming eleven-month-old in my left arm and a slippery rack of raw pork in my right. I'm staring at the...
The 3 AM Hunt for the October 14th Beanie Baby
The screen of my laptop was basically burning my retinas, but I couldn't look away. It was 3:14 AM. I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant with Leo, sweating through a pair of maternity leggings that I had been wearing for, oh...
The Existential Dread of Nursery Organization at 2 AM
I'm currently sitting cross-legged on the floor of my daughter's room at 2:14 AM, using a camping headlamp to sort her organic cotton socks by color gradient. The smart thermostat is locked at exactly 69.5 degrees, the humidifier is outputting...
The Denim Jacket Mistake and the Baby Boy Coming Home Outfit
The discharge nurse didnβt say anything out loud, but her eyebrows did a full 180-degree rotation when I pulled the miniature rigid denim jacket out of our hospital bag. It was hour 48 of being a father, I had consumed...