Why the Pretty Baby Movie Documentary Broke My Dad Brain
It was 3:14 AM, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve our roof, and my 11-month-old daughter was using my sternum as a memory foam mattress. I had my phone brightness dialed down to absolute zero, squinting through the...
Midnight Feeds & Why Surprise Baby Daddy is the CEO Saved Me
It was 3:14 AM. I know this because I had checked the clock on the microwave four times in the last hour. I was wearing my husband Dave's gray sweatpantsβthe ones with the mysterious bleach stain on the left kneeβand...
Dear Past Me: The baby brezza bottle warmer Survival Guide
Dear Sarah of six months ago, Itβs 3:14 AM. Youβre standing barefoot on the freezing faux-terracotta tiles in the kitchen, wearing Daveβs oversized college hoodie that has a suspicious yogurt stain on the pocket, and you're staring at a plastic...
The Late Night Truth About Your Grunting Newborn (And Why I Panicked)
It was exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-November, and I was wearing my husbandβs gray college sweatpantsβthe ones with the permanent, unidentifiable spit-up stain on the left knee that I absolutely refused to wash because doing laundry felt...
The truth about the best baby monitors (and what actually works)
At 2:14 am on a Tuesday, I was staring at a glowing five-inch screen, utterly convinced my daughter had been replaced by a Victorian ghost. The night vision on our heavily marketed, terrifyingly expensive smart camera had turned my two-year-old...
3 AM Teething Panics And The Nikki Baby Google Search Spiral
At 3:17 AM on a Tuesday, I'm standing in the middle of the nursery holding a glowing infrared forehead thermometer like a phaser set to stun. My 11-month-old is thrashing around in his crib like a fish on a dock,...
What a Baby Flamingo Taught Me About the 50/50 Parenting Split
The digital meat thermometer flashed 98.6 degrees, which meant the bottle of pumped breastmilk I was holding was exactly best for human consumption. It was 3:17 AM on a Tuesday, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve our bedroom...
The Truth About The Baby Breeza (And Why I Panicked)
"If you don't buy it, you're going to literally get a divorce," my sister-in-law announced over her lukewarm latte, dead serious, staring me right in the eyes. "You know those machines harbor invisible mold that will destroy her gut flora,"...
Tommy Richman, 3AM Teething, and the Death of My Dignity
It was 3:14 on a Tuesday morning, a time that doesn't actually exist outside of the newborn bubble or the queue for a dreadful kebab in your early twenties. I was standing in the kitchen in a pair of stained...