Gravity, sofas, and the dizzying truth about spinning babies
"Don't try to pull me by the shoulders, Tom, you'll misalign my pelvis," Sarah hissed. She was currently suspended upside down with her knees on our mustard yellow sofa and her forearms flat on the living room rug, her face...
There Goes My Baby: Surviving the Absurdity of the Newborn Phase
I'm standing in our freezing London kitchen at 4:12 in the morning, holding what appears to be a very angry, red-faced sweet potato wrapped in a slightly damp muslin cloth, when my phone, completely unprompted, shuffles to an R&B playlist...
The Brutal Truth About Hip Carriers From a Broken Twin Dad
Tuesday, 4:15 PM. The rain is pelting the roof of my battered estate car in the Waitrose car park. One twin is arching her back like an angry prawn, absolutely refusing to be extracted from her baby car seat. The...
Baby Driver Actor Dead: The Reality Check We Didn't Ask For
I was sitting in my freezing Honda CRV in the Target parking lot when the notification popped up. It was December 2024. The heater was barely working, and my toddler was finally asleep in the back after a forty-minute screaming...
A letter to myself about the absolute madness of baby cologne
Dear Tom of Six Months Ago, You're currently standing in the hallway of the semi-detached in Balham, holding a tiny, frosted glass bottle gifted by your remarkably chic European mother-in-law. You're staring at the words "Eau de Senteur" printed in...
The absolute origami nightmare of strapping on a baby carrier
I was standing in the middle of our cramped London kitchen at two in the afternoon, sweating profusely, completely tangled in eighteen feet of modal fabric. One twin was screaming from the bouncy chair on the floor, the other was...
The baby 2015 rulebook shift and why my mother is still appalled
My motherβs voice was echoing out of the iPad, bouncing off the kitchen tiles, and rising to a pitch usually reserved for discovering a burglar in the sitting room. I was holding a small, plastic spoon loaded with smooth peanut...
When Your 1-Month-Old Baby Refuses to Poop: A Twin Dad's Guide
It's 3:14 AM on a wet Tuesday in London, and I'm shining my iPhone torch directly into my daughter's nappy like an amateur archaeologist hoping to uncover ancient ruins. Nothing. Just a pristine, mocking landscape of dry bamboo fiber. Meanwhile,...
The Panic of Buying Sunblock Newborn Twins Can Actually Tolerate
Standing in aisle four of our local Boots, sweat pooling in the small of my back, I found myself staring at thirty-seven different brightly coloured bottles while two four-week-old girls actively lost their minds in a double buggy. The great...