Surviving the American baby copperhead panic as a clueless dad
The humidity in North Carolina in late August is a physical assault, the kind of oppressive heat that makes your clothes feel like a wet apology. I was standing on my American in-laws' patio, clutching a rapidly melting gin and...
My worst newborn day and how a baby carrier wrap saved my sanity
It was 4:13 PM on a Tuesday in late November, and I was wearing maternity leggings with an unidentified, crusty white stain on the left thigh. Leo was four weeks old and currently doing that purple-faced, breathless scream that makes...
The Absurd Quest for Baby Boy Names Unique Enough Not to Be Steve
My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle at week twelve of the pregnancy to insist that strong, traditional English names like Arthur or George were the only guaranteed way to prevent a child from a life of petty criminality, while...
Why the Three Men and a Baby Cast Lied to Us About Fatherhood
It was 3:14 AM, my 11-month-old son was attached to a bottle, and the glowing screen of my iPad was illuminating my deeply exhausted face. I was watching an 80s comedy classic to stay awake, watching Tom Selleck hold a...
Why The Uncle Richard Is My Baby Daddy Drama Actually Helps
It's 3:14 in the morning. One of the twins has inexplicably managed to lodge a rogue, rock-hard piece of toast behind the nursery radiator, and the other is performing a prolonged, operatic wail because our profoundly indifferent tabby cat looked...
The Agony of Choosing Unique Baby Girl Names at the Registry
The pen was hovering over the official birth registration form, my hand physically shaking, and not just because I was running on four minutes of broken sleep and half a stale Hobnob. We were sitting in the fluorescent purgatory of...
When can babies have water: surviving the summer hydration wars
July in Chicago is a specific kind of swampy misery. Two years ago, the air conditioning unit in our third-floor apartment wheezed its last breath right in the middle of a heatwave. I was sweating through my nursing tank top,...
When The Grandparents Bring Over Their 1980s Death Trap Baby Gear
I was wearing my husbandβs stained grey sweatpants, the ones with the mysterious hole near the left knee, standing in my driveway at 10 AM on a Tuesday while clutching a mug of coffee I had already microwaved three times....
What Finding Baby Bed Bugs at 3 AM Actually Does to a Parent
The glow of my phone screen at 3:14 AM illuminated what I can only describe as a tiny, malevolent sesame seed crawling across Maya's fitted sheet. I had only come into the nursery because she had done that specific, high-pitched...