The Absurd Reality of Managing Your Infant's Changing Hairline
I'm standing over the bathtub at 6:45 PM with a plastic comb in one hand and a remarkably slippery, screeching two-year-old in the other, desperately trying to yank a knot out of her wet fringe. This, for the record, is...
The Great Baby Golden Retriever Myth And How My Family Survived
There's a specific sort of betrayal you feel when you're prying a soggy, half-chewed muslin cloth out of the jaws of a twelve-week-old retriever while simultaneously trying to stop a toddler from attempting to ride said animal like a Shetland...
The Complete Disaster of Buying a Baby Gate for Stairs
I'm halfway down the staircase, suspended entirely in mid-air at 2:14 in the morning, clutching a sticky bottle of strawberry Calpol in one hand and a shrieking twenty-pound toddler in the other. My left foot has just hooked firmly under...
The absolute hell of buying baby furniture (and what to buy)
It was 2017, I was twenty-four weeks pregnant with Maya, and I was sitting cross-legged on the linoleum floor of a massive warehouse store crying into a half-empty iced oat milk latte. I was wearing these atrocious grey Target maternity...
Why That Adorable Baby Bunny Is a Terrible Idea for Your Toddler
I was elbow-deep in a basket of mismatched toddler socks last night when a post in my local county Facebook group made me drop my phone right into the laundry basket. Some sweet, incredibly naive mom had posted, "Looking for...
The Accidental Winnie the Pooh Baby Shower Guide for Anxious Dads
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo. I know this because I'm you, and I remember the exact texture of the bathmat you're presently sitting on while trying to escape the chaos of your...
Figuring Out the Baby Booster Meaning Before You Lose Your Mind
It was 8:14 on a Tuesday morning, I was wearing my husband Dave's faded college sweatshirt that smelled faintly of stale Cheerios, and my third cup of coffee was already cold. I was sitting at the kitchen island filling out...
Dear Past Sarah: What I Wish I Knew About The Entire Bear Phase
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold, slightly sticky linoleum of the downstairs bathroom, hiding from your own family. Itβs, like, 9 AM on a Tuesday, and you're wearing those gray sweatpants with the...
Rewatching The 1994 Film Babys Day Out Broke My Parent Brain
I'm pausing the TV at exactly the 24-minute mark to go check the tensile strength of our front door's deadbolt. My wife is staring at the ceiling from the couch, audibly wondering why I can't just enjoy a movie like...