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Trump Baby Boomers Approval Rating: A Real Parent Survival Guide
Don't try to explain macroeconomic policy to your father-in-law while your toddler is currently trying to shove a fistful of buttered mashed potatoes up his own nose. Just don't do it. I learned this the hard way last Thanksgiving, standing...
A letter to myself about thrush in babies and the white spots
You're sitting on the edge of the glider at 3 a.m. with your phone flashlight pointed into a sleeping mouth. You're trying to pry his tiny jaw open without waking him, which is as impossible as it sounds. His lips...
The ugly truth about the peachy baby slime trend
My sister-in-law swore the viral slime was a sensory miracle that would make my toddler a genius. The neighborhood mom-group president warned us it was highly toxic chemical waste that would melt our floors. Then my old ER charge nurse...
The Real Shiva Baby Dilemma: Taking Infants to Solemn Events
"Leave 'em at the house," my grandma told me over the phone, her voice crackling through the spotty rural Texas cell service. "Take them, babies represent the circle of life!" my mother-in-law insisted the very next day while aggressively shoving...
How To Survive The Santa Baby Phase Without Losing Your Sanity
There I was, sweating profusely through my favorite flannel shirt in a seventy-five-degree Texas December, trying to wedge my screaming firstborn into a faux-fur trimmed sequin outfit while Eartha Kitt purred the santa baby lyrics from my phone speaker perched...
Don't Give Your Kid That 1997 Purple Bear
I was standing in my mom's sweltering Texas attic last July, sweating through my t-shirt, while she rummaged through a stack of plastic storage bins. She finally pulled out a Ziploc bag with the reverence of someone handling the Declaration...
What no one tells you about bringing a jaundice baby home
My mother-in-law told me to put him in the living room window like a houseplant. The hospital lactation consultant told me to feed him until my nipples literally fell off. My deeply sleep-deprived husband downloaded three different tracking apps, poking...
The Connie Francis Pretty Little Baby Trend Made Me Cry
I'm sitting on the faux-wool rug of my Chicago apartment, staring at my phone through the kind of sleep deprivation that makes your teeth physically ache. Rohan is asleep on my chest, a dead weight of milk-drunk toddler. If I...
The 3 AM Battle Between Crusty Pink Eyes and Pastel Aesthetics
It was three in the morning the night before our big extended family photoshoot. I was sitting on the nursery floor staring at two very specific things. One was my fresh manicure, an expensive gel job featuring those trendy baby...