Why the pretty baby 1978 aesthetic is ruining modern motherhood
I spent three hours last Tuesday trying to wedge a screaming four-month-old into a neutral-toned, structured linen romper just so my mother-in-law wouldn't text me about how unkempt her granddaughter looked in my Instagram stories. The romper had eight tiny...
The Accidental Chaos of Searching for Joker Baby Stuff
At 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I tried to optimize our Halloween strategy by typing a highly unspecific query into my phone with my left thumb, while my right arm acted as a human structural support for an 11-month-old who...
The Truth About The Rakai Glitch Trend And Toddler Screen Time
I was wrist-deep in pureed carrots when my group chat of first-time moms started vibrating off the kitchen counter. Someone had seen a TikTok video about a glitching kid and was actively spiraling into a panic. They thought it was...
The Horrifying Truth About Baby FNAF: A Tired Dad's Discovery
At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, my daughter Maya sat bolt upright in her cot, pointed a trembling, chubby finger at the slightly ajar wardrobe door, and shrieked something about a clown with a claw in its tummy. Her twin...
How to Take Good Newborn Photos Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I was sweating through my third nursing tank of the day, teetering on a dining room chair with my iPhone hovering over my oldest son, Leo, who was currently screaming his head off in a hand-knitted Yoda costume my mom...
Baby Announcement Cards: A Postpartum Letter To My Past Self
It's two in the morning. The Chicago winter wind is rattling the bedroom window, and I'm staring at a stack of heavy-stock envelopes sitting next to a cold mug of chai. My breast pump is making that rhythmic, dying-cow sound....
The Baby Alien Fanbus Search That Completely Broke My Parent Brain
It was 2:14 in the freaking morning on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on our violently uncomfortable beige sectional wearing sweatpants that literally still had a crusty patch of Leoβs spit-up from circa 2020 on the left thigh. Maya,...
Why "Baby Alien Fan Bus Porn" Is My Ultimate Parenting Nightmare
It was exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing my husband's college sweatpantsβthe tragic gray ones with the bleach stain on the left knee that I absolutely refuse to throw away because they've perfectly deep pockets. I...
Dear Past Me: What I Wish I Knew Before Naming Our Baby Akira
Dear Jess from six months agoβput down your sweet tea, close the Pinterest tab where you're looking at custom nursery signs, and for the love of everything holy, delete that hashtag draft from your Instagram. You're sitting there on the...