A Letter To Past Me: That Cry Baby Movie Was A Huge Mistake!
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, Right now you're standing in the kitchen. It's exactly 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're wearing those awful gray maternity sweatpantsβyes, the ones with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh...
The Ugly Truth About Those Viral Baby Hazel Games
It was 4:13 PM on a Tuesday and I was wearing my husband Daveβs oversized college hoodie that smelled faintly of old garlic, holding a lukewarm mug of French roast that I had already microwaved three separate times. I was...
Why The Sore Loser Baby Phase Feels Like A Fatal System Error
7:14 PM. The structural integrity of the three-block tower has failed. My 11-month-old son, Leo, is staring at the fallen soft rubber cubes like they just insulted his ancestors. His face turns the color of a locally sourced Portland beet,...
The Great Baby Spielzeug Overload: Surviving the Toy Avalanche
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was performing what I thought was a routine diaper exchange protocol in the dark when my left heel made contact with a singing plastic farm animal. I don't know what kind...
Why I Completely Surrendered to the Fisher-Price Baby Era
It's 4:17 in the morning, and my bare foot has just made solid, agonising contact with the Smart Stages Puppy in the dark hallway. Without warning, an aggressively cheerful, synthetic voice belts out, "I SEE YOU!" followed immediately by that...
That Night a Baby Hazel App Cost Me Nine Bucks and Total Sanity
I was elbow-deep in printing shipping labels for my Etsy shop at ten o'clock on a Tuesday night, entirely convinced my four-year-old was dead asleep in his room, when my Apple watch buzzed with an $8.99 charge from the App...
Pinkfong Baby Shark: How to Survive the Doo-Doo-Doo Toddler Phase
I was wedged between a fifty-pound sack of flour and my bulk box of paper towels in the pantry, stress-eating a handful of stale Goldfish crackers, while the muffled sound of "doo doo doo doo doo doo" echoed through the...
The Absurdity of Adult Soap and Safe Toys for Your Toddler
I'm standing in our minuscule London bathroom at two in the morning, holding a writhing, screaming toddler at arm's length because she's somehow managed to achieve a nappy blowout that defies the basic laws of physics. It's quite literally everywhere....
The Science of Baby Animals (And Why I Can't Bring A Hamster Home)
I was standing in Petco at 4:15 PM on a Tuesday, staring blankly into a terrarium of baby bearded dragons, genuinely calculating if acquiring a tiny reptile would solve my 11-month-oldβs mid-afternoon fussiness. In my sleep-deprived logic, she liked the...