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A terrified dad driving carefully with a massive three-tier custom cake sitting precariously in the passenger seat

Transporting a Three-Tier Boho Frosting Tower on I-5 at 15 MPH

The suspension on a 2016 Subaru Outback is surprisingly unforgiving when you've forty pounds of Swiss meringue buttercream buckled into the passenger seat. I was driving fifteen miles per hour down the shoulder of I-5 with my hazard lights flashing,...

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A frustrated dad looking at a blurry 12-week ultrasound scan on his phone

In Which Week Baby Gender is Developed: My Ultrasound Data Log

I was literally holding my phone up to the ultrasound monitor at week twelve, trying to overlay a digital protractor app onto the blurry gray static on the screen. "If the angle of the genital tubercle is greater than 30...

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Fetal ultrasound scan on monitor in dark room

The agonizing wait for a tiny flutter: early pregnancy heartbeats

I was staring at the acoustic ceiling tiles in room four of my obstetrician's office, counting the little perforated dots while trying to remember how to breathe. The transvaginal ultrasound wand is nobody's friend. It's basically a plastic joystick wielded...

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First time dad staring confused at a shared Google calendar trying to schedule a party

When Do You Have A Baby Shower? A Dad's Guide to Timing

Dear Marcus from six months ago, You're currently sitting at your desk while the Portland rain hammers against the window, staring at a flashing cursor on a shared Google Calendar. You're trying to calculate the exact deployment window for a...

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Confused pregnant mom looking at early ultrasound trying to figure out when you can tell the sex of a baby

Exactly When Can You Tell The Sex Of A Baby? The Real Timeline

Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the cold hexagonal tiles of the downstairs half-bath at 11:42 PM. You're wearing Dave's oversized college sweatpants with the bleach stain on the knee, and you're hyperventilating into a...

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A slightly wrinkled floral baby blanket draped over the edge of a wooden crib

Dear past me: surviving the botanical shower and the infant year

Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the floor of the living room in Wicker Park, staring at a stack of expensive cardstock. You decided to throw a baby in bloom baby shower because it looked nice...

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Pregnant woman looking annoyed while holding up an uncomfortable maternity dress

Finding a maternity dress for baby shower events without losing you...

I'm trapped in a zippered velvet prison. It's mid-July in Chicago, I'm thirty-three weeks pregnant, and the zipper on this supposed dream dress is stuck right over my left rib, which my daughter currently uses as a kicking bag. The...

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Tired pregnant mom sorting through a pile of gender neutral baby clothes

What Actually Decides If You're Having a Boy or a Girl

I was six weeks pregnant with my oldest, aggressively dry-heaving into a paper cup in the passenger seat of my husband's truck, when my grandma leaned forward from the backseat and said, "If you want a girl, you need to...

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A tired mom holding a wrinkled newborn baby who looks like a grumpy old man.

The absolute truth about those ugly baby pictures we all hide

I was sitting there in the hospital bed, wearing a gown that had somehow become completely unsnapped in the back, holding my literal firstborn child. My husband, Markβ€”who usually has absolutely zero filterβ€”was completely silent as he held up his...

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