How Old Are Baby Boomers? A Dad's Guide to Grandparent Rules
"Put the quilt down, Mom." I was standing in the doorway of the nursery at 8:00 PM, physically blocking my mother's path to the crib like a bouncer at a deeply uncool nightclub. She was holding a blanket that weighed...
The midnight quest to help a backed-up baby poop instantly
Florenceβs face was the colour of an overripe aubergine, and she was grunting with the intensity of an Olympic powerlifter attempting a personal best. It was 2:14 AM. I was kneeling on the nursery rug in my boxers, holding her...
How to Relieve Constipation in Newborn Babies Quickly
Dear Sarah from six months ago, It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. You're sitting on the edge of the guest bed wearing that awful, bleach-stained grey hoodie from college, holding your sister's four-week-old son, Liam. She's in the hospital recovering...
The honest guide on how to sleep train a baby (without losing it)
It's 2:14 AM. I'm sitting on the top stair of our narrow London terrace, clutching a cold, profoundly sad crumpet, aggressively watching the timer on my phone tick down from five minutes. From behind the closed nursery door, Florence is...
Why Humphrey the Beanie Baby Is a Hard No for My 11-Month-Old
I'm currently holding a beige, slightly cross-eyed plush camel that smells faintly of an attic and 1996. My mother-in-law just proudly handed it to me across our kitchen island. Apparently, she unearthed this thing from her garage after solving the...
Surviving the twin daycare drop-off without crying in your car
It's 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm holding a solitary blue Wellington boot. Florence is currently wearing the other boot on her left hand, aggressively smearing Greek yogurt into the kitchen tiles, while Matilda is completely naked from the...
Confessions of a smug London dad: Surviving a real cry-baby
It was 3:14 in the morning, and the hallway carpet was perfectly imprinting its cheap synthetic weave into my bare knees. I had Twin A tucked under my left arm like a highly volatile rugby ball, and Twin B draped...
Navigating the Newborn Crying Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind
My mother-in-law cornered me in my own kitchen while I was trying to microwave a mug of coffee that had already been reheated three times. I was wearing yogurt-stained maternity leggings that were legally too old to still be called...
Consumer reports baby formula data broke my brain as a dad
Last Tuesday, at exactly 2:14 AM, I found myself standing in the kitchen illuminated only by the harsh green glow of the microwave clock, staring at a plastic scoop of white powder like it was radioactive material. Before my son...