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Comparing human twin growth to the staggering reality of baby elephant weight

Twins and the absurd reality of baby elephant weight

In the suffocatingly warm waiting room of our local NHS clinic, whilst desperately trying to balance a screaming twin on each knee, I received three entirely contradictory pieces of advice about infant growth within a single ten-minute span. Our health...

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Exhausted dad holding two crying babies in a modern nursery

3AM Screaming, K-Pop Fixes, And Why Babies Cry

"Leave them, it exercises their lungs," my mother-in-law declared over Sunday roast, waving a forkful of parsnip in the general direction of the nursery. "If you don't respond within thirty seconds, they'll develop crippling attachment trauma," our NHS health visitor...

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Tired London dad holding two messy twin babies in a posh room

Why I Will Never Buy the Baby Dior Perfume for My Twin Girls

Last Tuesday at precisely 4:15 PM, I found myself standing in a terrifyingly white Georgian townhouse in South Kensington, wiping a smear of mashed banana off my left shoulder while watching a woman named Cressida casually spritz her eight-month-old son...

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An exhausted British dad holding twin girls and a cup of cold tea

Starring in the Real Baby Daddy Show (Minus the Laugh Track)

Dear Tom, You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub, wearing a fleece dressing gown that smells faintly of Sudocrem and despair, staring at a phone screen playing an old episode of that American sitcom. You know the one....

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A baby dachshund sitting cautiously next to a toddler's wooden toys

How to Stop Your Toddler from Accidentally Breaking a Baby Dachshund

I was halfway through a tepid cup of Earl Grey when I saw it happening in slow motion. Twin A, my slightly more chaotic two-year-old, was attempting to swing her leg over a visiting twelve-week-old sausage dog like she was...

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A damp baby wrapped in a towel next to a yellow bottle of baby cleanser

The Cetaphil Baby Wash Delusion: Why Slippery Twins Require A Reali...

I'm currently holding onto a wet, furious 11-kilo toddler with my left forearm while my right hand desperately attempts to extract lather from a plastic bottle before her sister successfully drinks a pint of lukewarm, slightly soapy bathwater. If you've...

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Dad sitting on a rug with twin baby girls playing with wooden sensory toys

Spotting Cerebral Palsy in Babies: A Twin Dad’s Messy Story

It was a bleak Tuesday in November, raining with that specific London spitefulness, and I was lying on the living room rug surrounded by the debris of early parenthood. At six months old, my twin girls were engaged in entirely...

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A dad's perspective on managing baby eczema and dry skin

A Letter to Past Me About Baby Skincare and Greasing Up Twins

Dear Tom from November, You're probably standing in the downstairs loo right now, aren't you? You're holding a writhing Florence under one arm like a poorly packed rugby ball, staring at her left calf and wondering if babies can get...

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A deeply tired dad holding a swaddled newborn while staring blankly at a smartphone.

The "Call Me Baby" Era: TikTok Trends vs Actual Newborn Survival

It was 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, and I was sitting on our violently stained nursing chair trying to remember if I had already burped Twin A, or if the loud noise I just heard came from my own...

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