Magazine

Exhausted dad sitting on a messy sofa holding a baby monitor while a film plays.

Why The Oho Enthan Baby Movie Is Our Date Night Survival Test

The biggest lie the parenting industrial complex ever sold us is the concept of the 8:00 PM transition. You know the one I meanβ€”the mythical hour where the house suddenly falls silent, the ambient lighting turns universally flattering, and you...

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An expectant father looking panicked next to an ultrasound monitor displaying a baby heart rate.

The Baby Heart Rate Gender Myth: Twin Dad Survives The Scan

The room at Guy’s Hospital was aggressively dim, smelling faintly of antibacterial wipes and the specific, cold terror of impending parenthood. My wife was lying on the examination table with a generous dollop of freezing blue gel smeared across her...

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Tired dad holding two toddlers while playing pop music on a smartphone

Surviving Twins With Baby Lyrics: Justin Bieber To The Rescue

Tuesday, 5:43 AM. Florence (Twin A) has somehow managed to lodge a piece of dried Weetabix perfectly up her left nostril, while Matilda (Twin B) is executing a flawless, lung-busting temper tantrum because her water is, in her professional two-year-old...

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Exhausted dad holding twin baby girls while looking at a name list

The Great 3AM Hunt for Baby Girl Names Starting With V

The glow of the laptop screen at three in the morning is a uniquely hostile type of light, especially when it’s illuminating a spreadsheet containing seventy-four potential names for a human being you haven't even met yet. Outside our London...

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Exhausted dad holding two crying twins surrounded by useless musical baby toys

How to choose a baby gift without getting blocked on WhatsApp

I'm currently standing in my narrow London hallway holding a four-foot-tall plush giraffe that aggressively blares a tinny version of 'It's a Small World' whenever you look at it funny. It's Tuesday morning, my two-year-old twin girls are currently screaming...

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Toddler in a raincoat looking nervously at a flock of hissing waterfowl near a London pond

The Day the Park Waterfowl Fought Back: A Survival Log

The hissing started before we even breached the tree line at Hampstead Heath, sounding less like a natural animal noise and more like a punctured bicycle tyre that was somehow actively angry with me. I had a toddler under each...

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A tired London dad trying to distract twin toddlers with wooden sensory toys.

Dear Tom: The Truth About Baby Games Online and Screen Time

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, I know precisely where you're right now, mostly because I can still feel the lingering trauma in my left shoulder. You're huddled by Gate 42 at Gatwick Airport, sweating profusely through a shirt...

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Exhausted dad looking at a digital watch while toddler runs away

Surviving toddler time warps and the baby g watch revelation

Yesterday at 4:15 PM, I watched a fellow parent achieve the impossible by the swings in Victoria Park. His seven-year-old daughter was mid-tantrum, fully committed to avoiding the inevitable march home for dinner. Then, a tiny beep emanated from her...

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London dad feeding twins their baby first food while covered in pureed carrots

Surviving the Absolute Chaos of Your Baby First Food Milestone

There's a very specific sound that pureed sweet potato makes when it hits a freshly painted Victorian ceiling, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that it resembles a wet golf ball striking mud. I was standing in our...

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