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The hilariously chaotic quest to find a safe lil baby album
I was sitting in the dark at half past midnight on a Tuesday, entirely covered in what I deeply hoped was just pureed parsnip from dinner, trying to complete a simple parental task. The twins, Florence and Matilda, had finally...
The Kelce Taylor Baby Trend and What Postpartum Really Takes
My phone was vibrating violently against the armrest while I attempted to balance a screaming two-week-old on my forearm like a very angry, leaky football. On the cracked screen were three unread messages offering wildly contradictory instructions on how to...
Navigating the Overwhelming Baby Industry Without Losing Your Mind
I'm currently staring at a mountain of mismatched Paw Patrol socks on my living room floor, trying to fold laundry before my toddler wakes up, and my phone just buzzed with a notification from a parenting app I forgot I...
How to Get Baby Nessie in Fisch (Without Ruining Your Weekend)
My living room currently sounds like a server room during a distributed denial-of-service attack, except the alarms are just my wife's nine-year-old nephew, Leo, aggressively clicking a mouse, while my eleven-month-old daughter aggressively hits a wooden block against the coffee...
The Boho Decor Disaster: Why Baby's Breath Flowers and Toddlers Clash
I was halfway through positioning a wicker basket that cost more than my first car when I noticed one of the twins chewing thoughtfully on what looked like a dried twig. We were attempting a DIY first-birthday photoshoot in our...
Dear Past Me: Please Stop Stressing Over the Baby Weight Chart
I was cleaning out my messy Google Drive about 6 months agoβlooking for a recipe I never ended up makingβand I found a draft of a letter I had started writing to my past self. I was looking at old...
The Midnight Maths of Baby Fever Medicine
The iPhone torch was wedged firmly between my teeth, casting a terrifying Blair Witch underglow across the nursery while I squinted at a tiny, sticky plastic syringe. It was 3:14 AM. Twin A was screaming in a pitch that vibrated...
The absolute physical reality of raising a genuinely big baby
I'm standing in the middle of our dimly lit bedroom, sweating through a t-shirt, attempting to pull a cotton sleepsuit over my daughter's left thigh. The label, stitched with mocking delicacy, reads 'Up to 1 Month'. As I try to...
Mom Truths: Those Brooklyn Baby Lana Del Rey Lyrics Explained
It was 2017. Maya was roughly six months old, and I was sitting on the severely scratched hardwood floor of our third-floor walk-up in Park Slope. My hair was twisted into a greasy topknot that was probably 40 percent dry...