Magazine
A letter to myself before I pressed play on that movie
Dear Priya from six months ago. Listen. Put down the television remote and step away from the streaming menu. I know it's eight in the evening, your toddler has been screaming about steering wheels since naptime, and you're operating on...
The "Baby Daddy" Firmware Update: What I Actually Know Now
3:14 AM. I'm standing in our kitchen illuminated only by the microwave clock, holding a lukewarm bottle of formula, and staring at a Google Sheet I built to track our son's diaper output. The rows are color-coded by consistency. My...
Finding a Baby Cockroach in the Nursery (And Not Losing Your Mind)
It was 2:14 AM. I was standing in the middle of Maya's nursery wearing Dave's giant, horribly stained Villanova hoodie from 2008, holding a half-empty bottle of breastmilk that had somehow already gone completely cold. I was practically sleepwalking when...
Surviving Twins with the Baby Brezza Formula Pro Countertop Robot
There's a very specific type of panic that sets in at 3:14 AM when you realise the expensive countertop milk robot you bought to save your sanity might actually be watering down your babies' food. I was standing in the...
Why the Baby Brezza Bottle Washer Pro ruined my kitchen sink
It's 3:14 AM. The yellow glow of the kitchen extractor fan is casting long, dramatic shadows across the worktop, and my left sleeve is completely soaked in tepid, sour-smelling milky water because I didn't roll it up high enough. I'm...
Debugging the erratic hardware of your newborn's respiratory system
My mother-in-law confidently told me that if the nursery is completely quiet, the baby is sleeping perfectly and I should go make a sandwich. My lead developer at work, however, told me that I needed to purchase a hospital-grade under-mattress...
A Letter to Past Me About The Baby Boy Cast (And Pee Fountains)
Hey man. It's you from six months in the future. You're currently sitting in room 3 at the pediatric orthopedist in downtown Portland, sweating straight through your flannel shirt, watching a technician wrap your five-month-old's lower half in what looks...
Debugging the 2 AM Bottle Wash (And Why We Switched Methods)
It was 2:14 AM. I was standing in the kitchen illuminated only by the harsh blue light of the microwave clock, aggressively scrubbing a plastic milk cylinder with the exact same green and yellow sponge I had just used to...
What I Learned When I Googled the Meaning of Baby Booter
There I was, scraping what I can only assume was fossilised Weetabix off the kitchen skirting board, while my twin daughters, Maya and Zoe, were busy conducting a very loud, off-beat symphony with two wooden spoons and a saucepan. They...