Magazine

A tired father staring blankly at two bowls of water on a changing mat

The "stump tail baby lala" incident and other newborn horrors

It was 3:14 AM on our third day home from the hospital, and I was holding a freshly un-nappied twin at arm's length, staring in abject horror at her abdomen. Attached to her tiny, perfect belly was a shriveling, alien...

Read more

Toddler holding a clean rib bone sitting on a bamboo blanket on the grass

St Louis Ribs vs Baby Back: Which is Actually Safe for Your Baby

My mother-in-law told me handing my ten-month-old a rib bone was essentially attempted murder. My favorite internet momfluencer swore a massive rack of meat was the ultimate teething hack. And when I asked my pediatrician about it, she just gave...

Read more

Tired mom sitting in a nursery glider looking at her phone in the dark.

Why That Reality TV Baby Drama Actually Made Me Scream

It was 3:14 AM, and I was pinned under my oldest son in a rocking chair that squeaked every time I shifted my weight. My C-section incision felt like it was actively unzipping, I smelled like sour milk, and my...

Read more

A highly suspicious infant looking at a plastic spoon covered in beige oat mush

Surviving the great weaning transition of 2022

It was precisely 11:14 am on a Tuesday, and I was standing on a dining chair trying to scrape what appeared to be organic beige cement off the kitchen ceiling with a silicone spatula. The twins were exactly six months...

Read more

A vintage plush toy sitting safely on a high nursery shelf away from the crib

Why gifting a vintage november 24th beanie baby gives me hives

I watched my sister-in-law unearth a vacuum-sealed plastic bag at my baby shower, her eyes shining with that specific millennial nostalgia that usually precedes a terrible financial decision. She pulled out a dusty plush turkey from 1997. She proudly announced...

Read more

A stressed mother holding a cup of coffee while looking at messy toys on a rug

The Viral Fidget Toy You Should Never Give Your Teething Infant

It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday and I was wearing my husband Dave's faded college sweatshirt that smells faintly of old garlic, desperately sweeping my hand across our living room rug like a frantic human metal detector. I was...

Read more

A tired mother holding a newborn baby wrapped in a bamboo blanket

What I Actually Learned From The Mother Baby Nurse On My Worst Night

It was 4:12 AM and I was sitting on the cold hexagon tiles of my bathroom floor, leaking from literally everywhere. Maya was exactly four days old. My older kid, Leo, who was three at the time, was blessedly asleep...

Read more

Exhausted dad doing a crossword puzzle while twin toddlers chew on sustainable silicone teething toys.

Why The Baby Beluga Musician NYT Clue Destroyed My Sleep Entirely

The glowing rectangle of my phone was the only light in the nursery at 3:42 am last Tuesday. Twin A (Maya) was draped across my left shoulder like a heavily sedated sack of potatoes, occasionally whimpering and aggressively gnawing on...

Read more

A sleeping newborn wrapped in a breathable floral blanket

Why your newborn sounds like a tiny restless barnyard animal

It's three in the morning and you're hovering over the bassinet with your phone flashlight half-covered by your thumb. You're doing this because the tiny human you birthed is making noises that belong in a barnyard. It's a mix of...

Read more