Why I ruined bedtime with that viral Million Dollar Baby song
I was crouching behind the living room sofa, my phone balanced precariously on a half-empty packet of water wipes, waiting for the heavy bass to drop. The plan was incredibly simple. I'd film Florence and Matilda in their breakfast-stained sleepsuits,...
What I Learned About Birth Plans After Sparkle Megan Has A Baby
I was halfway through surgically removing a layer of cemented, fossilised Weetabix from the highchair straps when my phone vibrated off the kitchen counter. A friend had sent me a link to an article about Megan Waleriusβthe bubbly, sequin-wearing contestant...
That viral stone baby video is lying to you about pregnancy
It's two in the morning and I'm watching my toddler practice his mixed martial arts kicks in his sleep while my phone screen illuminates the dark. The algorithm, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that what a tired mother really...
What Nobody Tells You About Having a Pitbull and a New Baby
I was sitting on the sticky laminate floor of our kitchen at 2:14 AM, wearing maternity leggings with a suspicious yogurt stain on the left knee, absolutely sobbing into a mug of decaf instant coffee. I was seven months pregnant...
The ugly truth about capturing your perfect baby photos
I was sitting on my living room floor with a hair dryer aimed at a wicker basket, sweating through my postpartum leggings. My son was three weeks old. I had spent two hours trying to arrange him into a pose...
The Big Baby Detergent Scam (And How I Actually Do Laundry)
I was standing in my laundry room at 3 AM in a pair of sour-milk-stained sweatpants, holding a twenty-four-dollar jug of baby detergent and straight-up sobbing. My oldest, Beau, was upstairs covered in angry red hives, and my mom was...
Dear Me: The Unvarnished Truth About Raising a Baby Kitten
Dear Sarah from six months ago. You're currently standing in your kitchen at 4:15 PM on a Tuesday, wearing those grey Target sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh, holding a damp cardboard box. Your four-year-old, Leo,...
My Infant Is Glitching: The Truth About Those Endless Hiccups
It's 3:14 AM, and I'm staring at my phone's stopwatch, logging the exact intervals between my son's chest spasms. Every 4.2 seconds, his entire eleven-pound body jerks like a poorly coded physics engine that can't figure out gravity. He doesn't...
The Honest Truth About Flat Spots and That Expensive Baby Helmet
I was sitting in the pediatrician's office with my oldestβwho's now five and completely fine, but was then a three-month-old potato with a head shaped vaguely like a deflated footballβconvinced I had ruined his brain forever. Iβd gone down a...