The reality of raising millennial Shrek babies in a modern world
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last week to tell me that if I let my toddler watch animated ogres, he'll develop aggressive tendencies and start throwing onions at the dog. Ten minutes later, my millennial best friend texted...
She's Having a Baby: A Clueless Dad's Guide to Newborn Survival
Don't pack an extension cord, a multi-port USB hub, and three different bluetooth speakers in the hospital bag. This is my first and most critical piece of advice. I was standing in our Portland living room with a color-coded spreadsheet...
Run Baby Run: The Messy Reality of Jogging With Your Kid
I'm wrestling a standard, rigid four-wheeled city stroller over a massive, gnarly tree root on a Tuesday morning at 7 AM. I'm wearing my black Lululemon leggingsβthe ones with the weird yogurt stain on the left thigh that I haven't...
The Honest Truth About Play Mats For Babies
I was on my hands and knees with a spray bottle of carpet cleaner, frantically scrubbing neon yellow newborn poop out of our cheap apartment carpeting, while my oldest screamed his absolute head off in a bouncy seat nearby. It...
The Truth Behind the Missing Baby Yucaipa Panic
The rain was pounding on the windshield of my Honda Odyssey in a Chicago Target parking lot. I was sitting there with the engine idling, watching my toddler sleep in his car seat, dreading the moment I had to wake...
The Real Truth About How to Make a Baby Survive the First Year
I was standing in the kitchen at 4:13 a.m., wearing a dressing gown that smelled distinctly of sour milk, frantically pumping my daughter's tiny legs like she was participating in the Tour de France. My wife was hunched over the...
Surviving the Baby Walker With Wheels (A Twin Dad's Story)
I was precisely halfway through pouring a vaguely warm coffee down my throat when Florence broke the indoor land speed record. We have a narrow Victorian hallway in our London terrace, which is entirely unsuitable for anything wider than a...
Why the relaxing baby tub routine is actually a massive lie
I'm currently staring at a puddle of lukewarm water slowly seeping into the grout of my bathroom floor, while somewhere in the distance, a rogue rubber duck is wedged firmly behind the loo. My knees are making a noise that...
Dear Past Priya: Finding the Best Baby Swing for Your Sanity
Dear Past Priya, It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in late November. You have dried spit-up on the left shoulder of your nursing tank. You're standing in the dark living room holding a screaming potato who refuses to close his...