Confessions of a Clueless Runner: The Truth About Baby Joggers
I'm three miles deep into a caliche dirt road in rural Texas, sweat pooling in places I didn't know could sweat, pushing a thirty-dollar plastic umbrella stroller that sounds like a shopping cart with a square wheel. My oldest son,...
Debugging The Wardrobe: The Envelope Fold Revelation
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when the system crashed. The baby monitor on my nightstand emitted a sound that was less of a cry and more of a wet, ominous sputtering noise. I stumbled into the nursery, bleary-eyed...
The Rihanna baby era changed how I view my postpartum body
It was three in the morning and my breast pump was making that rhythmic, soul-crushing mechanical wheeze. I was sitting on the edge of the bed in a pair of stained sweatpants, mindlessly scrolling through pop culture gossip while my...
Debugging The Complete System Failure Of Dressing A Baby Boy
I'm currently staring at a pair of dark wash, rigid denim jeans in size 9-12 months. My son is actively executing a perfect alligator death roll on the changing pad, and I'm supposed to somehow force his chaotic, rapidly expanding...
The Great Toddler Empathy Crisis and My Stained Maternity Shirt
I was exactly thirty-four weeks pregnant with Maya, sweating profoundly through a mustard-yellow maternity top that had a coffee stain shaped exactly like Florida right on the collarbone. It was 3:14 PM on a Tuesday, which is universally the worst...
Dear Past Tom: The Expensive, Absurd Reality of Baby Jordans
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sweating through your grey t-shirt, pinning Florence between your knees while attempting to force her inexplicably square, fleshy foot into a miniature, stiff leather basketball shoe. She's screaming as if you've suggested...
Why Babydoll Dresses Are Secretly a Parent's Best Friend
Itβs ninety-five degrees in East Texas, and my mother-in-law is trying to shoehorn my oldest child into a stiff, tulle monstrosity that looks like a wedding cake exploded. My kid is screaming like a feral cat in a church pew....
The Baby Cow Confusion: Milk Rules and Adorable Bovine Trends
It was 2018, I was wearing a stained nursing tank that smelled faintly of sour yogurt, and I made the ultimate rookie parenting mistake. Leo was ten months old, we were completely out of his usual formula, and it was...
Surviving the cursed reality of the chunky knit baby outfit
We were at my mother-in-law's house for Boxing Day when I realised we had made a terrible mistake. The thermostat in her living room was set to what I can only describe as "equatorial," and the twins were both strapped...