Magazine

A dad playing an acoustic guitar while sitting next to a wooden baby play gym

Learning Baby I Love Your Way Chords Fixed Our Broken Bedtime

At 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, my daughter's sleep architecture completely collapsed. We were eleven months into this parenting experiment, and Maya was standing in her crib, shaking the rails like a tiny inmate demanding to speak to the warden....

Read more

Two toddlers crawling on grass wearing matching knit cardigans and flat caps.

The Utter Absurdity of Buying a Baby Golf Outfit for Toddlers

I’m currently watching my two-year-old daughter, Florence, attempt to swallow a brightly coloured plastic golf tee while her twin sister, Matilda, aggressively reverse-crawls her way out of a sand bunker. We’re at a rather stiff, overly manicured Surrey golf club...

Read more

A tired mom holding an organic cotton pink flutter sleeve bodysuit surrounded by messy toddler toys

When the Pink Bubble Pops: Surviving the Baby Glinda Obsession

It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the kitchen wearing my husband's stained college sweatpants, desperately trying to scrape dried oatmeal off the counter with my thumbnail, when Maya marched in. My seven-year-old had a...

Read more

A confused dad looking at an unreadable 4D ultrasound printout of his baby.

The 4D Strip Mall Ultrasound Panic We Absolutely Did Not Need

The room smelled aggressively like vanilla plug-in air fresheners and shared a drywall boundary with a discount mattress store. I was sitting in a faux-leather theater recliner in the Portland suburbs, sweating through my t-shirt, while a woman who introduced...

Read more

Marcus looking stressed while trying to align a strip of floral baby girl wallpaper

The Great Baby Girl Wallpaper Debug: A Dad's Guide to Nursery Decor

I'm standing on a step stool at 11 PM with a plastic putty knife in my hand, frantically trying to scrape a semi-congealed layer of industrial adhesive off the drywall before it permanently bonds. My wife Sarah is standing in...

Read more

Stressed dad looking at clothing care labels while holding a sleeping infant

Why Choosing the Right Baby Fabric Feels Like a Firmware Update

It’s 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm holding a screaming, bright red infant who feels like a MacBook Pro rendering 4K video. I've already checked the usual error logs. The diaper is completely dry. His last bottle was precisely...

Read more

Confused dad holding a messy baby's breath floral garland in a nursery

Debugging The Baby's Breath Garland Nursery Disaster

It's 11:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing on a step stool in my socks, gripping a heavy-duty staple gun in one hand and a crumbling, foul-smelling botanical structure in the other. My 11-month-old son is asleep in the...

Read more

Tired dad trying to figure out how to tie a five-metre stretchy baby wrap sling in a car park.

Surviving the Five-Metre Fabric Trap of the Baby Wrap Sling

It was a drizzly Tuesday in the Lewisham Sainsbury's car park when I finally accepted defeat. I was standing next to the open boot of our Skoda, holding what appeared to be an endless, terrifyingly long ribbon of jersey cotton....

Read more

Marcus holding thin slices of baby swiss cheese next to a high chair

Dear Past Marcus: Please Stop Panicking About Baby Swiss Cheese

You're standing in the glowing light of the open fridge. It's 2:13 AM on a Tuesday. You have a block of sharp cheddar in your left hand and your phone in your right, aggressively cross-referencing milligrams of sodium on a...

Read more