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Choosing safe gold earrings studs for babies without panicking
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen with a pair of twenty-two karat hoops, telling me it was tradition and that I was overthinking it. A few hours later, my old charge nurse texted me to say that piercing a...
To Past Jess: What to Know About That September 24th Birthday Plush
Dear Jess of six months ago: Right now, you're sitting cross-legged on the sticky floor of the Goodwill on Highway 84, aggressively Googling plush toy birthdates while your youngest tries to eat a rogue Cheeto off your shoe. You just...
Before and After: Smoking Baby Back Ribs With An 11-Month-Old
It's 6:14 AM on a damp Portland Saturday, exactly 43.7 degrees outside, and I'm standing on my patio holding a squirming eleven-month-old in my left arm and a slippery rack of raw pork in my right. I'm staring at the...
The Absolute Absurdity of the Baby Doll Carrier (And Why We Own Two)
My mother-in-law firmly believes that giving a two-year-old their own miniature baby wearing apparatus is mildly ridiculous and encourages them to grow up entirely too fast. The woman at our Tuesday morning playgroup—who wears floor-length unbleached linen in the dead...
Why Learning Pretty Little Baby Chords Beats Playing Mozart
Three years ago, I was sitting on my cheap living room rug, sweating through my nursing tank top, frantically trying to sync a Bluetooth speaker to a twelve-hour Spotify playlist called "Mozart For Genius Brain Development." My oldest son, the...
The Truth About Gifting an October 24th Birthday Twin
My mother-in-law unzipped her floral weekender bag and pulled out a vacuum-sealed plastic pouch with the solemnity of someone handling a transplant organ. Inside was a slightly crushed, orange and black plush cat. She had spent three weeks scouring the...
October 16 Beanie Baby Nostalgia: Cute Decor or Safety Hazard?
I was twenty-eight weeks pregnant, sweating through my maternity shorts in my mom’s un-air-conditioned Texas attic, when she pulled out the holy grail of our 1990s retirement plan: a massive, cracked plastic tub full of Beanie Babies. I was up...
The 3 AM Hunt for the October 14th Beanie Baby
The screen of my laptop was basically burning my retinas, but I couldn't look away. It was 3:14 AM. I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant with Leo, sweating through a pair of maternity leggings that I had been wearing for, oh...
Choosing my first baby doll before the new sibling arrives
My daughter was holding the plastic newborn by its left ankle, dragging its bald, rigid head across the kitchen tile like a club. The eyes clicked open and shut with every hollow bounce. I was seven months pregnant with baby...