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Exhausted dad staring in pure panic at a tiny gold baby bracelet

The Brutal Truth About Baby Bracelets and Why I Totally Panicked

We were somewhere between the second slice of dry Victoria sponge and Florence’s inevitable afternoon meltdown when my wife's great-aunt produced the velvet box. We had survived the actual christening with only a moderate amount of screaming (mostly from me,...

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Tired British dad holding a teething G Baby and a silicone sloth teether in a London flat at 3am

The Night My G Baby Discovered Her Gums (and Destroyed My Sanity)

It was 3:14 in the morning on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the edge of the bath in our London flat, entirely motionless, letting my daughter chew aggressively on my left clavicle. We had recently started calling her...

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A tired dad holding a calculator while looking at baby gear

How Much Does It Cost to Have a Baby? A Twin Dad's Honest Maths

I'm currently sitting on the kitchen floor at eleven o'clock at night, staring at my Monzo app while Twin A attempts to aggressively eat a Sainsbury's receipt and Twin B sleeps heavily across my left foot. I can't feel my...

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A tired dad holding a silicone cow teether in a London flat

How I Survived the Great Highland Cow Baby Obsession of 2024

I'm currently sitting in the corner of a semi-detached flat in Zone 3 London, making intense eye contact with a six-foot plush Scottish bovine. It has more hair than I do, takes up roughly the same square footage as a...

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Parent holding a toddler's hand while walking outdoors

That Polo G Lyric Sent Me Down a Terrifying Parenting Rabbit Hole

I was elbow-deep in a tub of Sudocrem, trying to wrestle two screaming two-year-old girls into their nighttime nappies, when a playlist I hadn’t updated since 2019 shuffled onto a track by Polo G. I wasn't really listening—I was mostly...

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A glowing red nightlight on a bedside table next to baby items

What The Baby Baby Justin Bieber Era Taught Me About 3 AM

If you want to know exactly how to make sure your child never, ever goes back to sleep, let me share my foolproof method from the first month of raising twins. When you hear the inevitable 3 AM wail, you...

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An exhausted dad sitting on a sofa looking at two swaddled newborns.

Dear Tom: A guide to surviving the very weird baby alien phase

Dear Tom, You're currently sitting on the edge of a spectacularly uncomfortable plastic mattress in the maternity ward at St Thomas' Hospital, staring into a perspex box containing two squirming, purple, vernix-covered creatures. They look less like the cherubic infants...

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A bewildered dad holding a tiny impractical baby outfit while toddlers create chaos.

An Honest Letter to Past Tom About the Best Baby Shower Gifts

I'm currently staring at a cashmere baby cardigan roughly the size of a teacup, aggressively regretting my life choices. My mate Dave’s gathering is tomorrow afternoon, and I'm writing this as a therapeutic exercise directed entirely at my past self—specifically...

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Wooden baby activity center with hanging toys on a rug

The 15-Minute Peace Treaty: Surviving Baby Activity Centers

At exactly 4:12 PM on a rainy Tuesday, I realized I had made a terrible, terrible mistake. I was sitting on our battered London flat's living room rug, nursing a desperately lukewarm cup of tea, while my twin daughters, Maya...

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