Surviving the First Five Years: A Twin Dad's Messy Guide
Yesterday at 6:15 AM, I found myself holding a dollop of peanut butter on a baby spoon, staring at my daughter Florence like I was defusing a bomb, while her sister Matilda was busy trying to lick the skirting board....
Why Searching "Babies R Us Near Me" Won't Save Your Sanity
It's exactly 3:17 am, and one of the twins has just managed to produce a bodily fluid that somehow defies the laws of physics, breaching the boundaries of her nappy and ascending halfway up her back. I'm sitting on the...
Surviving The 3 AM Teething Boot Loop & Babies Clothes Fails
The digital thermometer read 99.1°F at exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my daughter was methodically attempting to gnaw through the wooden rail of her crib like a beaver possessed. Outside, the Portland rain was doing its usual endless...
The entirely bewildering reality of welcoming an Asian baby boy
I was sitting at the kitchen island last Tuesday, staring at my laptop screen in a state of big confusion, surrounded by the remnants of cold toast. I'd just typed the phrase "asian baby boy" into the search bar, fully...
Are Beanie Babies Worth Anything? A Nostalgia Reality Check
Rain is aggressively hitting my Chicago apartment windows while I try to wrestle a screaming toddler away from the front door. The UPS driver just dumped three massive, duct-taped Rubbermaid bins in the hallway. I recognize my mother-in-law's handwriting instantly....
The Hilarious and Messy Truth About Raising a Cute Anime Baby
I was standing in my kitchen at two in the morning, aggressively peeling a sweaty, bright yellow, 100% polyester Pikachu costume off my screaming eight-month-old while the ending theme of some intense action show blared from the living room TV....
Building an amazon baby shower registry without losing your mind
It's 3:14 in the morning, the absolute peak hour for making terrible life choices, and I'm deep in the algorithmic trenches of the internet. My wife is fast asleep. I, however, am wide awake and researching wipe warmers. I've just...
Why the all on me lil baby track hits different as a London dad
It was 2:14 PM on a grim, relentlessly drizzly Tuesday in London, and I was on my hands and knees scraping something that I desperately hoped was mashed avocado off the skirting board. Twin A (Florence) was howling on the...
Why the All Day Baby Phase Will Break You and Rebuild You
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at a half-eaten cold Pop-Tart while swaying aggressively in the dark. My oldest, who's now five and a walking cautionary tale for why we don't negotiate with terrorists, was...