The Truth About That Welcome To Derry Baby Trend Wrecking Sleep
When the night terrors started last week, I naturally asked three different people for advice, which was my first mistake. The woman who runs our local playgroup suggested I let the twins "lean into their dark emotions" and process the...
Why Sugar Baby Websites Are a Parent's Literal Worst Nightmare
Don't, under any circumstances, attempt to buy refined-sugar-free snacks at three in the morning while holding a teething toddler by typing vaguely health-conscious search terms into your smartphone. It's twenty past three in the morning, and I'm actively failing at...
How to Take a Baby Passport Photo Without Losing Your Mind
My mom told me I had to physically hold my three-week-old’s head up from behind the scenes like a puppeteer to get his picture taken. The lady at the local pharmacy counter swore the only way was to photograph him...
The Ultimate Baby Poop Chart: A Letter to My Anxious Past Self
Listen, Priya of six months ago. You're currently standing in the semi-darkness of our freezing Chicago apartment at three in the morning, holding a soiled diaper mere inches from your face. You have your phone flashlight clamped between your teeth....
Why Baby Assassins Nice Days Is Not Family Movie Night Material
The greatest lie modern streaming platforms tell us is that an algorithm knows what you want to watch at 8:14 PM on a Tuesday, when you've precisely forty-two minutes of consciousness left before your brain liquefies. The second greatest lie...
The Ugly Truth About "Anchor Babies" and The 26-Year Wait
I was frantically dabbing at Zoe's birth certificate with a wet wipe this morning, trying to lift a very suspicious brown smear that was either Marmite or something far worse, when the radio started up with yet another political debate....
The Double Panic of Baby Sitting Milestones and Caregivers
I was standing in the Target checkout line holding a massive iced coffee—the kind that's mostly whole milk and regret, honestly—when my mother-in-law texted me out of nowhere. She said I absolutely needed to prop four-month-old Leo up with couch...
1000 Babies Review: Surviving The First Thousand Days of Chaos
I'm currently watching my four-year-old—the child I swear is my living, breathing cautionary tale for what happens when you read too many parenting blogs—try to lasso our basset hound with a phone charger. Meanwhile, my youngest is mashing an unidentified...
Oh Baby, A Triple: Surviving the Rule of Threes in Parenting
It’s 3:14 AM on a random Tuesday. I'm standing barefoot on the freezing kitchen tiles wearing a Target robe that smells aggressively like sour breastmilk and pure desperation, holding a plastic pump flange in one hand and a half-empty mug...