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The Real Guide to Throwing a Baby Sprinkle That Isn't Tacky
When I got pregnant with my second, I received three completely contradictory pieces of advice in the span of forty-eight hours. My mom, sipping her sweet iced tea on my porch, told me that having a party for a second...
The Truth About Baby Shower Party Favors People Actually Want
I was standing by the industrial trash can at the local VFW hall last weekend, double-fisting a lukewarm sweet tea and a paper plate of dry sheet cake, watching my cousin's friends secretly dump their party gifts. They were doing...
My Messy Guide to Surviving All Three Kinds of Baby Sharks
I'm standing in the downstairs bathroom at six in the morning, holding a plastic light-up dinosaur flashlight between my teeth, trying to pry my five-year-old's jaw open while he thrashes around like a feral raccoon trapped in a feed bin....
Letter to Myself: Surviving the Baby Pukeko Encounter
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting on the floor of the flat in Hackney, aggressively trying to cram forty-two nappies and a mountain of wipes into a suitcase that was clearly designed for a weekend in Paris,...
A dad's honest survival guide to baby poop colors and nappies
My mother-in-law told me mustard yellow means they're digesting their milk perfectly. The NCT instructor casually mentioned that anything even slightly green requires immediate, intensive medical intervention. And a bloke at our local pub—who freely admitted he hasn't held a...
The Messy Truth About Baby Love and Bonding
Let’s talk about the absolute biggest lie we tell pregnant women. It’s that exact moment the nurses place that slippery, purple little alien on your chest right after delivery, and you’re supposed to experience this cinematic, lightning-bolt strike of pure...
The Firmware Update I Needed On Finding The Best Baby Sun Hat
We're standing in the middle of a park in southeast Portland, the wind's blowing cottonwood seeds right into my open mouth, and I'm desperately trying to tie a floppy piece of UPF fabric under my 11-month-old's chin while he thrashes...
The 3 AM Panic Over an Imaginary Baby Wolf and Real Spiders
It’s 3:14 AM and I’m standing in the hallway wearing my husband’s stained college sweatpants, entirely unable to process what's happening. The baby monitor is just blinking this angry little green light at me, and through the static, I can...
The Coughing Baby Survival Guide: From Panic To Grudging Acceptance
I'm standing in our minuscule London bathroom at half past three in the morning, completely fully clothed, with the shower running at maximum heat. The room is so thick with steam that the mirror is dripping onto the toothpaste tube,...