Magazine

A confused parent searching for organic infant clothing and finding craft whiskey

Hudson Baby Bourbon: The Nursery Mixup and Parenting Nightcaps

Listen. Don't show up to my cousin's baby shower in Naperville with a bottle of 92-proof craft whiskey just because you typed the registry name into your phone too fast. I've seen a thousand wild things during my shifts on...

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Sarah holding a cold coffee mug while rocking a screaming newborn

How Do People Abadon Babies? A Letter To Myself

Dear Sarah from six months ago, It's 2:14 AM. You're sitting on the cold, weirdly sticky tile of the upstairs bathroom floor. You're wearing Dave's gray Villanova sweatpants—the ones with the literal hole in the left knee that you keep...

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Twin toddler holding a smartphone while sitting on a living room rug

Goro and Tropi Blowjob Baby: A Toddler Internet Safety Nightmare

It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the flat was freezing because our boiler has the temperament of an aging rock star. I was standing in the kitchen, staring intensely at the kettle, willing the water to boil through...

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Me drinking cold coffee while my toddler plays with a silicone teething toy on the living room rug.

How a Tiny Mola Fish Baby Fixed My Sustainable Parenting Guilt

It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing Dave’s old college sweatpants backwards because the dog had thrown up on mine. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen, clutching yesterday’s lukewarm coffee in a chipped...

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Exhausted dad researching baby lip tie symptoms on a laptop in the dark

Troubleshooting Baby Lip Ties: Why We Decided to Skip the Laser

At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday during month two, I was sitting in the dark glow of my dual monitors, logging our daughter's nursing "click" frequency into a Google Sheet. Click. Swallow. Click. Cry. Maya was in the bedroom, crying...

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Stressed mom holding baby and checking concert tickets on phone

Why Buying Lil Baby Concert Tickets For a Baby is a Bad Idea

It was 9:15 PM in section 204 of the arena. My phone was open to a decibel-reading app I had downloaded in a panic in the parking lot, and the screen was just flashing the word "DANGEROUS" in bright red...

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A simple audio baby monitor sitting next to a half empty coffee mug

The kriss_baby_ leaks webcam scare: Why I tossed our monitor

My husband was standing in the hallway in his underwear at two in the morning, aggressively poking the back of our internet router with a bent paperclip while swearing under his breath. I was sitting on the floor of the...

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Exhausted mom drinking cold coffee holding a sleeping newborn baby

How To Survive the Newborn Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind

So I'm standing in my kitchen at like 6:15 in the morning, holding Leo who was maybe three weeks old at the time, wearing a pair of Dave's old flannel pajama pants and a maternity tank top that smelled profoundly...

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Tired mom checking her crying baby after a bottle feed

True symptoms of baby not tolerating formula vs normal gas

It was three in the morning. The radiator in our Chicago apartment was making that rhythmic hissing sound, and my son was rigid as a board. He was doing this terrifying back-arch maneuver, stiffening his little body and screaming at...

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