The real signs of dehydration in babies (and other 3am panics)
The first time one of the twins caught a proper stomach bug, I received three distinct pieces of medical advice within a single afternoon. My mother-in-law suggested I give them a bottle of warm tap water because "it worked for...
Surviving Twins With The Skip Hop Baby Activity Center
My mother-in-law arrived on a rainy Tuesday bearing a gift she had unearthed from the darkest, most spider-infested corners of her loft: a wheeled infant walker from 1996. It was a faded neon monstrosity with the turning radius of a...
A Letter to Past Me: Stop Panicking About Normal Baby Weight
Dear Tom from two years ago, currently sweating through a grey marl t-shirt in Room 4 of the local NHS clinic. You're sitting in a plastic chair that's somehow both sticky and cold, balancing two identical infant car seats on...
Why I Finally Understand the Upscale Baby Department Hype
I'm standing in the middle of a brightly lit American department store, holding a miniature cashmere cardigan that costs more than my first car, trying to calculate exactly how long it'll take a six-month-old to cover it in pureed carrots....
Why I’m Actively Trying to Turn My Twins Into Nepotism Babies
I was halfway through a tepid mug of black tea, reading an outrage-bait article about yet another famous twenty-something landing a massive film role simply because her father is a beloved nineties sitcom star, when one of my two-year-old daughters...
Dear Me: Surviving The Naked Baby Girl Phase With Twins
Dear Tom of exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the sofa, smugly drinking a tepid cup of tea while Evie and Isla sit peacefully on the rug, fully clothed in matching corduroy dungarees. You think you've this twin...
The Hackney Standoff: Two Babies, One Urban Fox, Zero Dignity
At 5:43 AM on a drizzly Tuesday, I found myself in a high-stakes staring contest with a mangy urban fox. I was armed only with a lukewarm mug of instant coffee and two extremely confident toddlers who were aggressively wielding...
Raising a Lil Baby Son: Hip-Hop Myths and the Messy Reality
My mate Dave invited me over last Tuesday to meet his newborn, and within four minutes of crossing the threshold, he proudly showed me the tiny, immaculate pair of Air Jordans he’d bought for his three-week-old child. The cultural expectation...
The Kylie Jenner Baby Daddy Setup: A 3 AM Letter To Myself
You’re currently hiding in the downstairs loo, aren't you? It’s 3:14 AM, the bathroom tiles are freezing through your socks, and you’ve locked the door because the twins are finally asleep after a three-hour screaming match about who gets to...