Uncle Baby Billy: How my toddler found HBO at 3am
It's precisely 3:14 in the morning, a time I'm intimately familiar with because it's the exact hour the ambient temperature in our London flat drops just enough to offend my twin daughters. Florence is currently wedged sideways across my chest,...
Why the happy baby pose saved my structurally ruined spine
When my lower back finally gave out, I received three distinct pieces of advice from three very different people. My mother-in-law told me I needed to sleep on a plank of pine wood because that’s what her uncle did in...
The Great Formula Panics: What I Learned About Feeding My Kid
It was 4:12 AM, I was holding a screaming, thrashing newborn, and my laptop screen was glowing in the dark with a massive spreadsheet titled Formula_Matrix_v4_FINAL.xlsx. My wife walked into the kitchen, looked at the screen, looked at my bloodshot...
Dear me from 6 months ago: The Baby Brezza Bottle Washer Pro
Dear me from six months ago, You're currently standing at the kitchen sink. It's, like, 3:14 AM. You're wearing those gray Target sweatpants that have a mysterious crusty spot on the left knee and your hair is in a knot...
The 2 AM Baby Benadryl Panic and What I Actually Did Instead
It's 2:14 AM on a Tuesday in February. The wind off Lake Michigan is rattling the windowpanes of our Chicago apartment, and my toddler is sitting on the bathroom counter looking like a lightly boiled lobster. We had tried a...
Doomscrolling Paternity Drama: A Dad's Guide to Co-Parenting
It's exactly 3:14 AM. The nursery thermostat reads 68.4 degrees, which I know because I check the data monitor compulsively whenever the floorboards creak. My eleven-month-old son is currently asleep on my chest, dead weight and drooling onto my collarbone....
My Coffee Disaster and the Wild Reality of Sixty-Year-Old Parenting
My feet were literally sticking to the linoleum. It's 6:12 AM on a Tuesday, I'm wearing Mark's faded college hoodie that smells permanently like old milk and vague regret, and Maya is aggressively trying to shove a plastic triceratops into...
Sparkle Megan Baby Daddy Drama: A Tired Dad's Honest Take
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my eleven-month-old son, Leo, was currently undergoing some sort of mysterious firmware update that apparently required him to aggressively slap my collarbone while wide awake in the dark. My wife, Sarah, was...
The truth about newborn diapering and blowout prevention
My lowest parenting moment wasn't the endless crying. It was 3:14 in the morning on day four, standing over a changing table, trying to catch a stream of newborn urine with my bare hand while actively realizing I had fastened...