The Great Baby Accessories Delusion: What Parents Actually Need
I'm currently staring at a twenty-pound velvet baby fedora. I found it in a plastic storage tub at the back of our loft, resting gently atop a pristine, battery-operated wipe warmer. This box is essentially an archaeological dig of my...
The Great Spaghetti Bolognese Incident and Feeding Set Truths
There's a very specific, hollow sound that a ceramic bowl makes when it hits a hardwood floor after being launched from the terrifying altitude of an Ikea highchair. It's a sound that instantly ages you five years. It was a...
The Great Wool Disaster: Picking the Right Yarn for Your Baby
The baby monitor glowing angrily on my nightstand said the nursery was exactly 68 degrees, which is supposedly the good sleeping temperature for a human infant. It was 2:14 AM on a damp Portland Tuesday, and my 11-month-old son was...
Why That Cute Infant Bedding Set is Actually a Terrible Idea
I was sweating through my maternity shirt, wrestling a thick, heavily embroidered quilt into a crib that looked like it belonged in a Victorian museum. I had just dropped way too much money on a matching ten-piece nursery package for...
Dear Past Marcus: Troubleshooting the Great Baby Mat Matrix
Row 47 of my "Baby Infrastructure" Google Sheet is where my sanity finally encountered a fatal error. It was 2:14 AM. The ambient temperature in the nursery was exactly 71.4 degrees, I had logged 11 wet diapers for the day,...
The 3 AM Panic That Turned Me Into A Baby Sleep Bag Evangelist
It’s 3:14 AM and I'm standing perfectly still in the hallway outside my daughter's nursery, wearing a pair of my husband’s boxer briefs and a maternity tank top that smells aggressively like sour milk. I’m holding my phone inches from...
The Chili's Parking Lot Blowout: A Real Guide to Baby T-Shirts
I was sitting in the driver's seat of my Honda CR-V in a Chili's parking lot, staring at my four-month-old firstborn, Carter, and seriously contemplating just leaving my favorite diaper bag in the car and walking home. It was 98...
Leggings 100 Baumwolle: The Truth About Pure Cotton Pants
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the guest bathroom tub, aggressively slathering Aquaphor onto a raging red rash behind your toddler's knees. You're exhausted. You're wondering if he ate a bad strawberry or...
Why the Strickhose Baby Trend Actually Saved My Newborn's Sleep
I was standing in our drafty hallway at 3:14 AM wearing nothing but a nursing bra and a pair of my husband Dan’s sweatpants that had a mysterious yogurt stain on the knee, holding a screaming three-week-old Leo who felt,...