Surviving the American Girl Bitty Baby Hardware Update
It was 2:18 AM on a Tuesday. The ambient temperature in the nursery was exactly 68.4 degrees, according to the three different sensors I had calibrated that afternoon. I was executing a standard tactical stealth retreat after successfully resetting my...
Surviving Twins: Why We Chose Baby Snoopy Over The Baby Snoo
I was standing in a damp Oxfam shop on Mare Street, aggressively wiping a half-masticated rice cake off my coat lapel, when I locked eyes with him. It was a slightly faded, ridiculously soft plush beagle from 1996. One of...
Finding Rare Beanie Babies In The Attic (And Why I Panicked)
Dear Priya from last October. You're sitting on the concrete floor of your parents' garage in Naperville, surrounded by cardboard boxes that smell like old rain and mothballs. Your mom is upstairs texting you asking if you found the baby...
The Brutal Truth About That Purple 90s Bear in Your Attic
I was standing in my mother’s oppressively hot, dust-choked attic at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, wearing my husband Dave’s stained Villanova hoodie because I was freezing despite the heat, sneezing so violently I thought my brain might...
Put down the loves baby soft perfume before you hold my baby
The pink bottle appeared out of nowhere while I was trying to figure out how to ice my perineum. My mother-in-law had cornered me in the hospital recovery room, brandishing a vintage bottle of Loves Baby Soft perfume like it...
I Can Be Your Hero Baby: Why the Supermom Myth is Total Trash
I was standing at the kitchen sink yesterday, elbow-deep in cold dishwater and crusted oatmeal, when my throwback playlist shuffled to Enrique Iglesias. Right as he dramatically whispered that he can be your hero, baby, I actually snorted so loud...
Why Super Creek Goo Goo Babies Isn't The Parenting Trend You Think
I was elbow-deep in a basket of mismatched toddler socks yesterday, trying to figure out how a house with five people produces seventy-three single left socks, when my fourteen-year-old nephew snorted from the couch. He was supposed to be helping...
The real science behind the dancing baby gif and infant motor skills
I spent a ridiculous amount of time last Tuesday trying to capture the perfect dancing baby gif for my family's group chat. I propped my nine-month-old against the sofa, blasted some nineties club track, and hovered with my phone waiting...
Is Cry Baby John Waters For Kids? (Plus Actual Infant Crying)
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was pretty sure I was hallucinating. Leo was six weeks old and screaming like I was actively harming him, his tiny face turning a shade of purple I didn't know existed...