The 'Is Your Baby Crying Meme' Explained: A Letter To Past Me
3:14 AM. The Apple Watch on my wrist is vibrating, aggressively warning me that the ambient noise level has reached 95 decibels—roughly the equivalent of standing next to a gas-powered lawnmower. The noise source is exactly fourteen inches from my...
Why the Baki Baby Meme is Bizarre and What Real Strength Looks Like
I was sitting on the floor of my home office last Tuesday, trying to fulfill three Etsy orders for custom vinyl tumblers while simultaneously folding a mountain of tiny, mismatched socks, when my sister’s fourteen-year-old nephew strolled in. He stepped...
The messy truth about the infant teething timeline
I spent five years in pediatric triage, and if I had a dollar for every time a parent told me their infant's 103-degree fever and explosive diarrhea was just teething, I could pay cash for my kid's future orthodontics. You're...
Dear past me: when your baby spitting up a lot feels like too much
You're sitting on the edge of the mattress at three in the morning. Your t-shirt smells like cheap parmesan cheese and regret. The baby is finally asleep on your chest, making those little wet breathing noises. You're wide awake because...
The brutal truth about water babies and safe infant hydration
I was sitting on the edge of the Oak Street Beach splash pad last August when I watched a well-meaning grandmother twist the cap off a bottle of smartwater and bring it to the lips of a newborn. The kid...
Why I Threw Out My Popular Baby Seat (And Got The Upseat)
It was 10:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at my five-month-old son, Leo, who looked exactly like a tiny, extremely drunk man slumped at a bar at last call. He was sitting—or rather, sinking—into one of those...
The Late-Night Internet Spiral and Your Baby's Goo Goo Phase
It's 3:17 AM. I'm sitting on the edge of the glider in my oldest kid's hand-me-down sweatpants, smelling faintly of sour milk and sheer desperation, holding a smartphone with the brightness turned all the way down so I don't accidentally...
The Truth About Turkey Babies: Surviving The Meat Puree Stage
My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle last Tuesday, brandishing a whisk, to announce that giving a six-month-old anything but pureed carrots would shatter their digestive tract into a million pieces. My health visitor—a woman who speaks exclusively in NHS...
Exactly When Can Babies Eat Food According To A Tired ER Nurse
My mother-in-law was standing in my Chicago kitchen holding a cardboard box of rice cereal like it was some sort of ancient religious artifact. She kept telling me my four-month-old needed a heavy scoop of it mixed into his nighttime...