Magazine

11-month-oldauditory safetybaby sharkmillennial dadmusicparenting humor
A stressed dad holding a phone playing a colorful shark video next to a baby

The Baby Shark Song Lyrics Broke My Brain (A Dad's Log)

The dashboard clock of my Subaru says 3:14 AM. I'm driving aimlessly down I-84 in the pouring Portland rain, the heater blasting a smell of stale coffee and desperation. The only thing keeping the 11-month-old in the backseat from initiating...

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11-month-oldbaby teethinghumorinternet safetymillennial dad
Exhausted millennial dad looking at his phone while holding a crying 11-month-old baby in a dark room.

Debugging Sleep, Typos, and the Baby Saja x Reader Incident

My thumb slipped off the glass screen of my phone at exactly 3:14 AM, smearing a streak of organic pear puree across the search bar while my 11-month-old daughter attempted to burrow her entire head into my left armpit. She...

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11-month-oldautumnbaby pclothingmillennial dadnatural fibers
An 11-month-old baby in a soft orange organic cotton bodysuit with a felt face.

Debugging The Baby Pumpkin Costume: A First-Time Dad's Guide

The internal temperature of a synthetic plush gourd is roughly equivalent to the surface of the sun. I'm holding a screaming, bright orange sphere in the middle of a muddy Portland farm, desperately trying to find a zipper that apparently...

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11-month-oldbaby careGen Zinfant sleepinternet safetymillennial dad
Exhausted dad holding his baby while looking at a smartphone in a dark nursery

Why I Googled Baby Osama at 3 AM: TikTok Sleep Hacks Are Terrifying

It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, the nursery is precisely 69.4 degrees Fahrenheit, and my 11-month-old son has just executed his fourth unauthorized wake-up routine of the night. I'm sitting on the edge of the glider in the dark, scrolling...

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11-month-oldbaby oilbaby skincareeczemamillennial dad
A stressed dad trying to apply baby oil to a very slippery infant after bath time.

Troubleshooting Cradle Cap: A New Dad's Guide to Safe Baby Oil

I was staring at a fake checkerboard background on a transparent image file at 3:14 AM while my eleven-month-old looked like a shedding reptile. I was trying to build a Notion database of non-toxic skincare for our household, right? Because...

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11-month-oldbaby sleepbabyproofinglate nightlightingmillennial dad
Dad adjusting a dim amber nursery light while holding a sleeping baby

Why we finally threw out our fancy baby lights (and what worked)

It's 2:43 AM. I'm holding my iPhone between my teeth like a tactical flashlight because I need both hands to manage a diaper blowout of catastrophic proportions. I take one step backward, my heel finds a rogue wooden block, and...

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11-month-oldbaby developmentbaby sleeplate nightmillennial dad
Exhausted dad sitting in a dark nursery holding a baby monitor and looking confused

The Gone Baby Gone Cast Has Nothing on My 3 AM Detective Work

My mother swore he was just hungry, my hipster neighbor confidently diagnosed a "leap 6 sleep regression," and a random guy in my Portland coffee shop told me he was definitely sensing my own unresolved childhood trauma. Three totally different...

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11-month-oldanxietydigital footprintfatherhoodinternet safetymillennial dad
A stressed dad holding his phone in a dark nursery with an 11-month-old baby in a carrier.

The punching babies in public prank is ruining my algorithm

The time was exactly 2:14 AM, the nursery thermostat was reading a stable 69.4 degrees, and I was making the biggest digital mistake of my life. My 11-month-old, Maya, was currently undergoing some sort of developmental firmware update where she...

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11-month-oldbaby healthgamingGen Zinternet safetymillennial dad
Tired dad looking at a laptop while baby plays with a silicone plate on highchair

I panic-googled Roblox pill babies at 2 AM so you do not have to

I was sitting on my brother’s couch in southeast Portland last Sunday, desperately trying to keep my squirming 11-month-old from eating a suspicious clump of golden retriever hair, when my nine-year-old nephew yelled into his gaming headset: "Bro, grab the...

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